Thoughts

It Really IS a Wonderful Life…

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These last couple days have been a blast. Christmas isn’t apparently just one day in our house, we have been celebrating more of a Christmas week. I think it is definitely time to start eating healthier again, though, and to start exercising. And on that note, while taking a walk on Christmas day near my Grandma’s house, we came upon an old cemetery, and this headstone:

wpid-img_20141225_160829935.jpgNot only is it interesting that this person from middle-of no-where-upstate, New York, fought and died for his country, someone somewhere out there still appreciates him. He was a veteran and that still matters, even if it happened over 50 years ago.

The flowers in front of his headstone were blown over and covered with leaves, but we dusted them off, and nestled them in front of his grave. The wind was blowing and the rain started splattering on our faces, and I tried to identify the significance this moment could possibly have.

Was it sad to be in a graveyard on Christmas afternoon? Was the rain and gloominess really just a way to emphasize it? Every little detail became so important suddenly: the curiosity on my boyfriend’s face as he yells across the headstones: “Look at this one, babe!”

wpid-img_20141225_155031537_hdr.jpgThe way the land curves and rolls; the mounds of grass, the moss that grows in splotches; and the path that cuts through the cemetery between tall, long-limbed trees. If you stood at one end of the path and looked down it, you get the impression that it goes on forever; that life continues somewhere on the “other side” where the road ends.

And meanwhile, the sky is so gray the clouds seem grumpy, like steel-gray eyebrows furrowed in disappointment, that it seems nearly impossible to find the light in the darkness, to stand tall and go about your day.

Except, I wasn’t sad or disappointed, I just felt…blessed. I was thankful to be where I am, in the country I am, with the people who I love and that belong to me. I felt proud for this soldier who had represented my country, and honored that I was the one who righted his flowers, to tell him, (even if it was just in a small way), that he did matter and still does to those who understand freedom and cherish it like I do.

I felt irony because of the name on the headstone, which happens to be the veteran’s father: George Bailey.

George Bailey, the name of the character in It’s a Wonderful Life, the man who didn’t know what wealth truly was until it was taken away from him. That our worth isn’t measured in the dollars in our pockets, but in the lives we touch and the people who love us most.

And isn’t that at the heart of Christmas?

wpid-img_20141210_161130902.jpgI had a fantastic holiday, and I hope everyone else did, too. Did you do anything special this year? Vacation in the tropics? I’d love to hear about it.

Happy Writing everyone!

The Faces that We Wear

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It’s easy to seem like an angel on social media – especially when all that you post is positive things: your boyfriend giving you flowers, going out to dinner, making food, shout-outs to friends you haven’t seen in a while.

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Me at Clear water beach, Fl. (I love these sunshiny pictures of myself).

What is important is the face that you wear when no one else is around. And for me that includes: Sunday morning hair all lop-sided to one side, standing in front of the refrigerator in a nightie, gnawing on cold chicken wings and pizza.

(Oh, and I forgot to add the little happy dance I do when I eat something that is yummy.)

The point? We all present ourselves in a different way depending on where we are…and if you are the rare individual who is able to treat everyone with the same type of sauce, then good for you. You are rare and few in between.

Most of us don’t have that luxury. We wear our professional faces to work, our worried ones find comfort from Mom, the harassed need-a-glass-of-wine look we share with our girlfriends (or maybe that’s just me), and our significant others see everything in between, bare skin and all.

And maybe that’s the point I’m trying to make. We may wear different faces to different people but its the face that you wear when you are around your significant other and yourself that is the most important of all.

He or she is the one who should know your faults, should know what makes you cry, should know that you’re not always an angel, despite how hard you try to be. 😉

Its our faults that make us who we are. I know I’m not perfect. I’m stubborn. I’m whiny. I suck at housework. I’m grumpy in the early morning, I take three-hour naps and I’ll eat food until it makes me sick; drink wine on a week night.

Yet, despite my flaws, I have managed to find someone who loves me in spite of all those things. (And I didn’t even mentioned the winter blues that I get.) He puts up with me and I with him, and isn’t that true definition of belonging?

To love someone’s insides and outsides, despite the many different faces that we wear. Love is a many splendid thing. And sure, love is blind.

But maybe that’s the point: No one is perfect. And we should never pretend to be.

Funky Dreams, Inspiration and Writing

/ Ajmorse / 4 Comments

This week is a week of inspiration for me…and another inspiration is dreams. I get a lot of inspiration from dreams, as they are basically stories that the brain invents all by itself while you are sleeping.

44432_girl_sleep_lgThis morning I woke up at 4am with the knowledge that I had the best dream EVER, and despite me writing down as much as I could, it still seemed like a whole lot of nothing. I could barely remember anything.

All I do remember is that I was at a friend’s house staying the night, I made out with one of my girlfriends, (we have been watching a lot of Orange is the New Black lately), we sang a song, there was food and candles lit, I went somewhere with my boyfriend. I was working out on an exercise machine, doing pull ups. Then the dream switches to me being on a slide with my friends, we were poling on a raft through a river of dead bodies, then there was this waterfall drop, I was too scared to go so I jumped off the raft to the side.

dower2_0121205Just as I’m about to go down the shoot, some arms and legs emerge from a grate and a man appears with a gun and a bunch of soggy money clutched in his hand, he tries to shoot me and the dream changes again…I remember a story within a story, a love story I eventually tell to someone and my amazing heroics. (Apparently I could control water.) I remember a large grassy hill and a yellow mansion on the hill. I remember writing names on a mirror in pink paint or lipstick; someone scoffing and saying they definitely weren’t the best couple ever. I remember I dreamed up a night’s worth of actions in two hours.

Although I couldn’t remember everything, what IS clear is the emotions. I felt hopeful, triumphant, amazing and invincible. Like justice was really served or true love really triumphed in the end. I felt strong and confident and young. My heart was warm, and fuzzy, I was the happiest and the most excited about life that I have been in a while.

If I had a dream about my ex-boyfriend, I wouldn’t be warm and fuzzy. No, emotions like regret and longing sometimes resurface. But it is funny how sometimes a story has the ability to influence your emotions, changes the way you feel.

That’s what I want to do someday: I want to make someone feel happy because a character is happy, I want a reader to rejoice in their triumphs. I want to write something that changes a person’s perceptive about certain things. Words are powerful. I want to shape them, make them my own and be one of the triumphant ones.

Anyway, that’s enough from me…What are your goals and inspirations? Ever have a story that was inspired about a crazy dream of yours? I’d like to hear it!

Happy Writing people!

 

 

 

 

The FIFA World Cup, pizza and a quiet summer evening

/ Ajmorse / 2 Comments

Me and my boyfriend are broke, broke, broke. I’ve stayed home all weekend all with the intent to save money on gas…I’ve missed birthday parties, festivals, and good times with old friends. I’ve been bummed, I’ve been frustrated, but I push through all with the knowledge that hard times are there to teach you to learn from your mistakes, to push harder, to be tough in the times of great stress.

Even though it seems like life sucks, I remind myself that it is not the end of the world, that I have a place to live, people to love me and food in my belly. I mean, that’s all a person needs, really.

pizzaAnd lotsa, lotsa, pizza! (Just kidding, tehe)

But enough of the drama, we might be poor but we can appreciate the little things and that includes spending time together, enjoying pizza and watching the World Cup – here we Americans call it Soccer, of course.

I, personally, like the term “football,” really, as I’m not a great fan of American football (I know, I’m a traitor to everything American, whatevers,) but we are both thoroughly enjoying this great opportunity to view something that we don’t normally get to see. And who said that Americans never watch Soccer? Pssh.

I’m starting to notice the different styles between the countries. The Japanese are fast, quick. Ghana has great footwork. Greece, great defense. And the US? They play differently than EVERYONE.

soccer

USA vs Portugal, FIFA World cup

Their passes are long, their dribbling not as intricate… (well, maybe right now is not a good time to judge, we are down by 1 – AH, never mind, they just scored! WOOO!

I am falling in love with “football.” We never get to watch it here in the US, a sport that is more popular everywhere in the world but here, and most of the time, we Americans don’t get a chance to watch it. There’s so much drama, strategy and excitement.

Every game is just one big stress-ball, next minute one big party. I’m ready to jump in line with all the other soccer hooligans, I’m ready!

Well, just thought I’d say a quick hello, and hope everyone in the blogging world is doing just grand and had a great weekend! I’m enjoying this warmer weather here in upstate New York and love that there is blue sky and green on the trees. Enjoying the simple things…whatever they may be.

Happy Writing people!

(FYI my final reviews for GOTs to come soon.)

Have you been keeping up with the World cup? Who do you want to win?

3 things to think about this thursday evening

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I stopped at a KFC on my way home from work and there was a long line. I figured hey, I’m hungry I’ll wait a few extra minutes. It took a while for some customers to receive their food; as the workers were scurrying around the kitchen, they inform some customers of the wait, as they had to make some new batches of sides.

As you can imagine, one customer put up a fit. “This isn’t fast-food,” he says loud enough so the whole dining room can hear him. “We’ve been waiting for several minutes and you don’t have any food. You have to make everything, this is ridiculous. This is the last time I’m coming here!”

The manager was called out to console him, and while the man complains, I can just feel the atmosphere in the room drop: it’s so heavy, full of implications, irritation and impatience.

I roll my eyes and cross my arms. I am irritated because I am hungry and tired, but I know better than to take it out on the poor teenagers making minimum wage. I fantasize taking a big stick and whopping it on the back of the man’s head. I think about confronting him and being like, “Let it go. What is your problem?” But I don’t.

The rude man who is being difficult is asked by the manager, “how can I make this better? What can I do for you? You are our guest, we want to make you happy.”

I’m thinking: What about the rest of us who has to listen to HIM? Who’s going to console us?

Somewhere in this predicament of bad customer service, I think that somethings gone terribly wrong. It makes me think:

  1. How there are two sides to freedom of speech
  2. How social mores sometimes hinder society
  3. And how we need more heroes to stand up to the A-holes of the world

Just something to think about. It was a long wait, lol.

Food for thought…as it were. 😉 Happy Thursday everyone!

Don’t Wake Up the Sleep-walker!

/ Ajmorse / 1 Comment
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sunset at Pine cradle lake, PA

I’ve been working on a story/writing for the better part of 2 hours, mostly because I am bored and mostly because I am procrastinating doing laundry – but the reason I decided to post was this: I just realized something.

There is a big difference between writing a story, and immersing yourself in that story. Sometimes you write on the page, but you never become involved. There’s a difference between staying in the present world that you are writing, and emerging into that world, where the sights, scents and conversation is what is around you – not the hum of the fan next to your computer screen, or the traffic outside, or the typing of your hands wandering across your keyboard.

Immerse yourself into that world fellow writers. Become one with the scents, the sounds, the people. It is jarring to come back from such a world sometimes, but if this is what needs to be done, then, hey, I’m all for it.

Now, what was I doing again?

Ah, being a writer really is a lonely thing sometimes. Only we see the world that we are writing and it is sometimes hard to explain to others why they can’t interrupt that thought process.

I compare it to waking up a sleep-walker. Don’t wake up the sleep-walker! It’s all disorienting and confusing. That’s why I always tell my boyfriend: don’t interrupt me when I’m in the middle of writing, its like waking me up from a deep sleep, yanking me away from a world prematurely. (And believe me he’s done it a couple of times, grumble, grumble).

Let the writer wake up in her own time. Ah, but anyway I digress.

Become one with the story…don’t be afraid to dive in! That’s all.

Happy Writing!  And to those that are experiencing warmer weather (finally): Big Smiles! Summer is finally here!

 

What Game of Thrones can teach creative writers about hidden context

/ Ajmorse / 3 Comments

Source: HBO;  Margaery and Cersei walk together.

We saw it a few nights ago in the latest episode of Game of Thrones, in First of His Name. Margaery and Cersei are standing side by side, both staring out at the new King Tommen talking about King Joffrey, about the new king, about whether or not Margaery still wants to be queen. Talking about everything else than what is truly on their minds.

Game of Thrones, or more specifically, Game of Throne’s characters, presents a fine example of the importance of hidden context for creative writers.

In context:  Margaery and Cersei are having a conversation, they are talking about the troubles on hand: a recent death, a new queen and what they should do now. Margaery, is polite, beguiling, charming. She knows how to twist words to her favor, to ask a question, yet answer it in the same sentence. Meanwhile, Cersei’s words are clipped, sometimes barbed. The things she says are meant to shock, to entice some reaction from the person next to her, to try to make the person she is having a conversation with, uncomfortable.

Out of context: The tension between the two. The fact that they aren’t looking at each other. The pauses between words. The politeness. Margaery wants the throne and is doing what she can to get it. Cersei doesn’t like Margaery, but knows she must play nice and make small talk, or in Cersei’s case, idle threats. Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer.

While the two, strong, beautiful women are making conversation, most of what goes on between them is what they don’t say. The glances, the gestures, the false smiles. Cersei says it best with a glance, a frown, or a twitch of her eye.

And all the while, there is tension.

You hear it time and time again, from a lot of creative writers, or teachers of the craft. There must be tension. Without tension of some kind there is no story, no problem or obstacle to overcome.

If two characters are having a conversation, and everything is happy, perfect, agreeable, there is no reason for the conversation and as such, there is no story.

That’s why it is so important to create great detail in your stories. Sensory details. Describe the scene and character and conversation in detail.

With detail you will create the tension, and in that tension is what isn’t being said – the hidden context. Which is sometimes the most important thing of all.

What are your favorite stories or TV Shows? Who are your favorite characters in them? And what does it teach you about writing or story telling?

Thoughts below if you’ve got ’em!

 

 

20 Random Questions about ME

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Here’s something a little different…in case you were curious about the person behind the blog. I’ve posted a lot of posts, but nothing very much about me. So I made some of my own random questions…Maybe we’ll find out that we have something in common! 🙂

1212122120 meeeeeeee

1. What room am I in right now?

I am sitting in my office. I can hear traffic outside my window right now, and the weather is kind of gloomy and grey, but it is so nice having my own writing space. Even finally put curtains up this morning! They are purple.

2. Margarine or Butter?

Butter all the way! I grew up with Margarine though, yuck. I think butter is the best for cooking, though.

3. Who is my favorite celebrity crush?

For guys? Chris Evans, Chris Hemsworth. For girls? Mmm…Keri Russel? She is soo pretty.

4. What is my favorite kind of food?

Italian food, yum! Anything with sauce, cheese, pasta, some kind of chicken or mushrooms…or meatballs, siigh, or garlic! Getting hungry thinking about it.

5. What is my favorite TV Show?

Right now, Game of Thrones. But LOST still remains a favorite.

source: zdnet.com

6. Who is my favorite author? Who do I most admire?

J.K. Rowling, of course. If I could come close to the depth and detail that she has created in her worlds, I would be alright, I think.

7. What do I order when I am out for breakfast?

Pancakes and sausage, home-fries and fried eggs over-easy. Last time I ordered bacon and ham, too.

8. If I could have a superpower, what would it be?

Superman powers – super strength, speed, X-ray vision, ability fly. Yeah, it’d be fun to just like jump over a building and be where you need to be.

9. What is my favorite animal?

There are so many. I really like sea creatures. Whales are probably my favorite; Blue whales, humpback whales and killer whales but I also like frogs, and turtles too.

10. What is one of my favorite books?

Graceling, by Kristin Cashore.

11. What music do I listen to on a day to day basis?

On Pandora:  a lot of 90’s hits, but also Ingrid Michaelson, and Disney songs

Pennsylvania Grand Canyon.

Pennsylvania Grand Canyon.

12. If I could travel anywhere in the world, where would I go?

New Zealand. I want to see all the gorgeous scenery that was viewed on all the LOTR movies, it’d also be extremely cool to visit Hobbiton, too.

13. Fiction or reality?

I have a theory influenced by the movie, The Words, that writers struggle with living in fiction or reality. They can chose one or the other, but after awhile, one or the other becomes the reality. The idea is to find the balance between the two, but is that truly possible?

14. Car or truck?

I have a tan Toyota Camry 99. Trucks are cool for those that have something to haul around, but I have no need for it. Plus, I love my Camry.000_0010

15. What do I like best about summer?

The heat! I like being so warm that’s it’s like there’s a blanket wrapped around my shoulders. I can wear flip flops and a dress and at 8 o’clock at night it is still 80 degrees… yeah, that’s my idea of a nice summer.

16. If I were to fix dinner right now, what would it be?

Something simple and comforting. Probably some kind of chicken breast, mashed potatoes and peas.

17. Why do I write?

I write because I feel like half myself without expressing myself on the page. Because there is some kind of peace, some kind of balance in myself when I get the ideas down on the page. One day when I was fourteen and in  English class, I decided I wanted to be the one whose words were quoted and cherished, like something sweet and savory in your mouth. I wanted to be the one to impress people with my words.

100_010718. What was my favorite pet’s name?

His name was Patches, he was a black and white cat who was a goofball and very mischievous. I have never had a cat with such personality before. He’d pounce the other cats when they were sleeping, he’d follow them places, he was a loud mouth, he had terrible luck when it came to hunting mice.

19. If I could live in an alternate reality, where would it be?

I sometimes think about worlds out there other then our own, I wonder what it would be like to live if the sky was purple, the grass was blue and the water was pink? What if we have five limbs instead of four? What if our whole world was underwater?

20. Where do I see myself in 10 years?

Published. No doubt about it. Settled down someplace warm with my graduate degree. In some kind of academic career, or writing professionally, perhaps with a family of my own.

 

Hope you enjoyed! Thoughts below if you got ’em!

Part 2 Confessions: Edits and Extra Thoughts

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I was having some formatting troubles with my post last night, so in case you missed it, you can view it here.

I asked my boyfriend what he thought about it and he was like, yup, sounds like you really hate your job.

And don’t get me wrong, I don’t like it there…and am currently in the process of finding something new, but mostly I wanted to express my frustration at the lack of options for college graduates like myself and other people my age.

I was told to dream big growing up, and yet…reality doesn’t seem to make a lot of dreams possible nowadays!

Anywho, I’m not giving up though, and if I’m meant to write for a living, well, I’m just going to make that happen!

Best wishes to everyone and hope you enjoy your weekend! And keep on writing!

 

Part 2: Confessions – I am a child of the 90s, and yes, I hate my job

/ Ajmorse / 1 Comment

Part 2: Confessions was supposed to be about facing my Writer’s Fear, but this rant is very much-needed so hold onto your hats people. If you missed Part 1: Confessions, Struggling with Writers Fear you can read it here.

working manIt’s no joke, the majority of middle class Americans are probably in the same boat – working day in and day out, struggling to make rent and hating the 8 to 5 job that pays the bills but keeps them locked to the grindstone. No freedom to do what you want, when you want and where you want.

It’s work all day for little pay. It’s time clocks, and meetings and little vacation days. It’s cramming in a few texts during 15 minute breaks. It’s knowing that the boss-man is always watching, waiting with that memo that doesn’t make sense.

It’s managers that get promoted when they don’t know a daaamn thing. It’s – not who you know, it’s who you blow.

It’s “The Office.”

It’s…politics.

Several weeks ago, I moved to a new town, packed my bags, said goodbye to the folks and grabbed an easy 8 to 5 job that is now slowly eating my brains out. (Note to self, remember to apply for new jobs a bit sooner next time.)

At any rate, its amazing how dysfunctional some companies are. Where people get treated like numbers and the company gets away with it. How ridiculous the rules of attendance are, of break times, of self-importance. When did it get to be like that?

When did I become of a peon in the great big world of the machine? I don’t remember signing up for that.

clip art handsI am a child of the 90’s. I was told to follow your heart, follow your dreams, go to school for what you what. Well…if this is where a Liberal Arts degree in English Literature gets you, I feel gypped.

Today I got told by a girl barley in her twenties that I didn’t know anything. And that jolted me to a stop. I’m sorry? You don’t know anything about me, much less what I know and don’t know. At any rate, it pissed me off.
I’m a twenty-five year old college graduate, who works hard for nothing, and The Writer in me is ready to stand up and pay attention. I don’t deserve to be anyone’s bitch, much less the company that I work for.

I’ve decided it’s time to be honest, and its time to be honest with myself. I want to write for a living. I want to find the freedom in my job, and in myself to work hard and do what I love to do day in and day out. With no fear.

Maybe the ridiculous of this company is pushing me in the right direction – I am soo very close to just quitting my job and starting to write for a living.

If I were honest with my self, I would admit that I am wasting my time being responsible for once. Sometimes you have to be a little reckless to follow your dreams. I mean, who ever said that getting what you want was easy?

I have to remember that it’s not my job that defines me, it’s who I am and what I chose to do with my time here on earth that makes me who I am.

And it is my time to be honest with myself.

tampaI thought that I would make April a month of Confession Posts. Mostly Writing related, but this rant caught up with me tonight and needed to be let out. I know that there a lot of college graduates out there and people my age who feel the same. And we need to be heard and to support each other.

Look forward to Part 3 Confessions: How to Beat Writer’s Fear in a few weeks!

Any thoughts? Ideas? Rants of your own that need to be heard? Comment below! Writing is freedom! Let’s take advantage of it!