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What Happened to Thanksgiving?

/ Ajmorse / Leave a comment

1221122319I might sound like a major Grinch in this post, but I’m not going to apologize.

Christmas is coming, no, its steamrolling its way here faster than I’d like, and it’s sprinted past Thanksgiving and is on its way to Christmas in July…which will probably get here faster than Thanksgiving.

And Turkey day is merely two weeks away…just saying.

I’ve been out and about the last couple of days doing errands, and I’ve been noticing more and more red and green than I have before. Christmas may not be my favorite holiday, but usually I like to get into the Christmas spirit after Thanksgiving. Not before. Not during.

My less than jolly mood could be contributed to my three years spent working retail, and the Christmas music that some stores shove down your throats the day after Halloween.

We also lost my grandma this year, and it just doesn’t feel like there should be a holiday at all, but I definitely don’t want to see Christmas trees and fake snowmen out before I’m ready.

I guess when it comes down to it, the holidays mean something different for each and every one of us. For those who have lost loved ones, it can be a difficult time. Most of the time I get annoyed because of how commercialized Christmas has become. It is all about the money and stores are even opening Thanksgiving night, instead of early black Friday morning.

I feel just like Charlie Brown on A Charlie Brown Christmas. What ever happened to the true meaning of Christmas? To spending time with friends and family and loved ones?

To realize that Christmas is about the joy of spending time together and giving and love.

Maybe it doesn’t feel like Christmas this year because the only thing I want for Christmas is the one thing I can’t have: to spend one more Christmas with my Grandma. To hear her laugh again, to get wrapping paper thrown at my head.

Well, I didn’t mean to get all sentimental on you guys, but I am doing everything I can to find some joy in Christmas this year, and it just isn’t happening.

And it certainly doesn’t help when the outside world is telling us too soon that you better be ready:  Christmas is coming!!

Where do you find the joy in the holidays?

I’ve decided that I’m going to try to make most of my presents this year, but I think I might also do some online shopping. I’ve had enough of stores already!

Hope everyone has a great weekend!

NaNoWriMo Days 4, 5 & 6: Uh, Still Writing?

/ Ajmorse / 2 Comments

Word Count: 4,107

Well…totally dropped the ball on my last post. Last night was supposed to be a lovely update with how fantastic I’m doing, and well…life happens sometimes.

It’s difficult balancing writing, work, and other chores that most of us don’t like doing but needs to be done…(laundry, dishes, etc.) Last night was one big trip to the laundromat which was good, because clean clothes are nice…buut, it doesn’t always leave time to do writing, which is bad.

I find that my core time for writing is at night-time, but I work early in the morning, and well…6am comes very fast sometimes. Ugh, Work.

Work.

Which, was awful. As far as Fridays go…yuck! I could practically see the tire marks of everyone’s cars as we pealed out of that parking garage…now I get why people always drive crazy on Fridays. I wonder if people who hate their jobs on top of having a bad day, actually pull their hair out? Like big clumps? Seriously, people. I just want to forget that today happened. At all.

io

Tonight was nice, though. Mike made dinner and we watched Inside Out which I just had to buy the other day. I love this movie. Hmm, maybe I’ll write-up a review of that tomorrow…

Anyway, the point is: Life

How do you manage to juggle work, family, friends, social time and writing? I think I read somewhere that in order to be completely successful in one aspect of your life, you have to give up another. Like someone who becomes work-obsessed…might let social time with friends fall to the way-side.

But, I’m like Joy on Inside Out, who doesn’t want Riley’s memories to fade, I don’t want any aspect of my life to fade. Heck, I could give up housework. I’d be happy with that. Buut, having clean dishes is important, too.

I guess the idea is to sort out your priorities. I think I could give up TV more, and Facebook time. I love keeping up with old college buddies and family on there, but once a day check-up is all I should really need for the time being.

And Youtube…sometimes (too many times), productive hours are taken when the YouTube vidoes suck you in. I know I can gain more time by giving up that.

Hmm…it sure is difficult working on writing when you work full-time hours, and I am forever in awe of those who’ve managed to write a best seller on their down time after work.

More often than not, I feel like sadness, who has that kind of energy?

But, there is a silver lining here, too. I’ve got the weekend! And I look forward to catching up on my writing tomorrow after some rest and relaxation. Oh, sleep would definitely be nice!

Anyway else always feel so drained when Friday comes around? I think its possible I need more Vitamin D and C, and B, and H and L…and yeah. Everything. Back to that grindstone…

How do you guys make time for writing?

Happy Writing everyone!

Are you Going to NaNoWriMo?

/ Ajmorse / 11 Comments

Hey, guys. October is almost over…God, where did the days go? I am sick with some kind of head-cold-flu-achiness thing, and I just realized today that there are only two more days, (not counting tonight) till November!

Okay, well, I guess November isn’t that exciting…ladies: are we ready for no-shave November? Do any women really want to see their men that hairy? I mean, honestly…but back to NaNoWriMo.

indexI have a friend who has been diligently planning and brainstorming her plot for NaNoWriMo. She has her characters, she has key scenes, she has everything figured out to start writing on Sunday. And I couldn’t be more proud of her.

And I’ve got…nothing.

But that doesn’t mean I won’t give NaNoWriMo another shot this year. At any rate, it might be a nice chance for me to get a rough draft out for one of the many stories that I have yet to finish. But then I look at my story, at the characters, and the back story, and the history and I find there is still so much to do.

How did J.K. Rowling do it? I look to her as an example. All of that planning, all of the information that she knew about her characters and only about twenty percent of that got down on the page. You need to know your characters one-hundred percent. I used to laugh when I heard authors say their characters become like their children, but I guess it’s because I never really understood.

I get overwhelmed, the fear creeps in, and suddenly ten pages a day seems useless when it’s all going to be garbage anyway. I sometimes wonder, did J.K. Rowling ever struggle with writer’s doubt like I do?

I guess I have to keep reminding myself that no one is perfect from the get go, and you have to allow yourself to write crappy, to make mistakes, to take that leap. No fear.

No fear.

I had a manager who insisted that was her motto. To be honest, she drove me nuts, (she was such a control freak), but I think of her words now. I was in debt collecting, and you often dealt with customers that were less than pleasant. She would tell us to go into a call with no fear, to take control.

I think that same motto can apply for me here. I need to approach everyday in NaNoWriMo with no fear and remember that Rome wasn’t built in a day. It did take time for J.K. Rowling to develop her Harry Potter world. It wasn’t done in a month, and anything that I come out with at the end of November won’t be my next bestseller.

But it will be something.

And that’s definitely more than I have now.

Oh, and it’s supposed to be fun. Remember fun?

So self, don’t look at it as a chore. Look it as a way to kick some story-telling ass, and maybe just tackle that fear and self-doubt that’s been stalking me.

Who has time for self-doubt, anyway, when there are only thirty days in November?

Anyone out there doing NaNoWriMo this year? Have you done anything to prepare for it?

Happy Writing!

The Force Awakens New Trailer Review and Thoughts

/ Ajmorse / 2 Comments

I watched this new Force Awakens trailer with Mike (the other half) last night, and I had some reservations.

He thinks that I’m just irritated because now I have more questions than answers, (which is probably true,) but also, something about this new trailer troubles me. So, thought I’d write-up a quick blog post to puzzle it out.

I was disappointed when I learned a few years ago that Lucas had sold his masterpiece to Disney, because, well, Disney likes to ruin things. Like important things. By adding their own interpretation to the field. (Any fans of Boy Meets World see their Girl Meets World version? Yuck.)

But when I heard that J. J. Abrams was at the helm of the project, and all of the resources and money that Disney has, I thought okay…this movie might have a chance.

Then I saw this trailer and all of those doubts started to creep in again.

In this new trailer we finally see what we can assume are the main characters of the film : a former Storm Trooper, and a young brown-haired girl, Rey, living on what looks like Tatooine. I thought it was possibly Leia’s and Han’s daughter, but, according to this new trailer, it doesn’t really seem that way.

To be honest, I’m going to be very annoyed (I’m already annoyed) if this young woman is not in any way related to the Skywalkers. Because…I mean, come on, its STAR WARS; a lot of the main plot is centered around one big romance that ends tragically between Anakin Skywalker and Padme Amidala.

Of course, I could be reading into something that is meant to be vague on purpose – it is J.J. Abrams after all.

Anyway, the tone I got from the new trailer – so melancholy. There’s a lot of reminiscing going on (from what we’ve seen) but I hope that the film doesn’t get bogged down on what Star Wars was, and to focus on what it still is…to continue mastering a great story.

That being said, there’s got to be a balance, too. It needs to have some of that old Star Wars feel, (from the three great originals,) but also be fresh and exciting for this cinematic age. And although we love Star Wars, we hope that J.J Abrams also remembers that we love the universe of Star Wars, too, so we hope that it still feels like it’s in that galaxy far, far, away…with all the action scenes, explosions, droids, unexpectedly adorable aliens, and quotable lines, (minus the corniness)…

But, I don’t think that’s asking too much…right? 😉

Anyway, do you guys have any thoughts on the new movie? Are there things you are definitely looking forward to?

I’ve decided that I didn’t hate the new trailer, but it definitely did make me irritated because it managed to answer NONE of my questions. Hmm. Just like LOST all over again. Oh, J. J. Abrams.

Hope everyone has a great night!

 

Restless…on a Friday? Again?! Yep. I’m a Writer.

/ Ajmorse / Leave a comment

I was out of work early again today. And I practically ran out of the building. I’ve been worried more and more about the lack of hours at my job, but I hate the idea of applying for something new.

Despite being boring, I like my job. Data Entry isn’t stressful. You don’t have to talk to anyone you don’t want to. But I happen to like my co-workers. For once in my life, I am surrounded by like-minded people my age and it is wonderful. We all seem to hate that we can’t find that high-paying job that we’ve all been searching for, but we like movies, we like food, and we like to laugh.

Even though it is not the best job in the world, the people who I work with make the job worth it. I found the same environment once years ago at my first job (at Wal-Mart surprisingly,) where you feel like part of a team, and your co-workers are also your friends. (I guess it’s easy to bond over a common enemy. Heh.)

100_1392But anyway, was telling my Mom on the phone this morning how I’m so sick of trying to find jobs that I don’t want. I understand that you have to work to pay your bills, but when it comes down to it…at the end of the day, I’m not a sales-associate, I’m not a debt-collector, I’m not an indexer, I’m not a customer service representative. I’m Me. Amanda. A Writer.

I’m a writer.

And I’m sick of making excuses about that. A person who studies to be a doctor, tend to work with sick people. A person who studies to be a teacher, teaches. I studied to be a writer, so I’m going to write. I’ll carry my burdens, and I’ll pay my bills and I’ll do what needs to be done.

But I’m not going to sit here any longer and feel ashamed or feel like a failure, because I can’t seem to find the job that works for me. Because when it comes down to it, maybe I can’t find that perfect job, because I was not meant to work at those places? Hmm.

Epiphany? Food for thought?

I say, us writers, or artists or whatever, need to stick together. Because not everyone is meant to be a top executive, or administrative assistant or successful business person.

Some of us are writers, and none of us should feel ashamed about that.

Happy Friday Everyone!

Feeling Restless on a Monday

/ Ajmorse / 4 Comments

I got out of work early today (thank goodness!)

Ever find yourself tapping your feet, glancing at the clock, wondering when the day is ever going to end? And if it does, hopefully it’ll be sometime this century?

I mentioned in an earlier post that I’ve been having trouble with anxiety. I tend to get anxiety due to my seasonal depression, but lately, I’ve been getting anxious doing nothing.

working manToday, glancing at the clock on my computer at work, I could have sworn that time crawled backwards just to mock me. Every twitch of the foot, every tap of my fingers on the keyboard was reminding, reminding, reminding me that I could be somewhere else, anywhere else. And that time is money.

Time is money, money, money…if only I got paid to waste time. (Well, one could almost argue that this is what I do at work most everyday, but anyway…)

If only I got paid to follow my dream…if only I could travel, see the world, pay the bills, see my family, and go back to school and not worry that my car might break down next month, or that I won’t be able to pay for groceries.

I want to be able to go out to eat where I want, I want to plan a meal (whatever it is) and be able to go out and get the ingredients, no matter the cost.

I want security, and I want love, and I want everything that a child of the 90s was promised: I want that American dream.

But then the economy crashed, we got a new president, and everything just…tanked.

I want…I want…

Right now, I’ve been content with how much (or how little) I have. I’ve been learning that life isn’t in petty things. It really isn’t food. It really isn’t the things you buy for yourself.

But…I definitely feel like its time to see more of the world. It’s time to move on. And maybe that brings me back to my whole going back to college thing. Maybe that will inspire me to do what I need to do to be where I want to be.

It is time for this restlessness to go away. Like…now. Okay. Rant over.

I hope everyone else is having more of a productive Monday than I am!

Happy Writing!

 

Saturday Morning Cartoons and the Winter Blues

/ Ajmorse / Leave a comment

It’s cold in our apartment this morning and its become that time where we can’t decide if it’s quite cold enough to remove the AC’s from the windows. (I think so!)

I woke up this morning, (and bundled up!) and got myself a cup of tea and brunch…and now I am settled in a blanket in front of the TV watching cartoons. (I found Phineas and Ferb on Netflix, tehehe).

S'Winter_SnowboardingThe point is: it is raining and chilly outside and I am completely content with being a bum and snuggling under the blankets. I think I might start reading a book, too.

This hibernation of mine this morning, reminds me of the last couple of days, which have been kind of rough for me. It has been terribly gloomy and rainy outside.

I get terrible seasonal depression, or Seasonal Affective Disorder, (SAD). For those of who don’t know what that is, read the definition here.

Basically it is what it sounds like it is. I get depression based on the seasons. Usually its based on how light it is outside…in the winter months the days are shorter and it does something to my brain…I don’t get all the happy chemicals I need and I spiral into an emotion imbalance…I change.

It’s very frustrating. Its like I lose half of myself each year. I morph from Summer Amanda into Winter Amanda and I don’t like losing myself each year to that other person.

(I know I definitely need to move south or something,) but right now I live in New York and this is who I am.

100_1392Summer Amanda likes to be creative, likes the sunshine, likes to try new things.0126131346Winter Amanda has a hard time concentrating, she’s super tired all the time and she wakes up more and more with a feeling of hopelessness deep in her chest.

The tiredness, I can deal with…but the depression….it makes it very difficult to wake up each and every morning.

Some days are better than others. This feeling of hopelessness also leads to self-doubt, which in turn leads to anxiety. It’s a never-ending cycle and sometimes it is exhausting.

I am very blessed to have friends and family in my life that get why on some days I just want to stay inside where its safe, though. I just want to be surrounded by love and comfort and warmth, and enjoy a nice night where I’m not self-doubting myself, where I felt content and safe and loved.

Not everyday is like that, though.

I am lucky, though; the shorter days will soon be over, and come late December, the days will start getting longer. It’s just these fall into winter months where I struggle the most.

So, I’m going to sit back, listen to music and enjoy my tea, and some light box therapy, and not feel guilty that I am being completely unsocial while doing so.

The people who are important to me in my life get it, and that’s enough for me.

Happy Saturday Everyone!

Good Ol’ Comfort Food…

/ Ajmorse / Leave a comment

I know that food isn’t love, but sometimes there’s a reason why comfort food is that…comfort food.

wpid-img_20150916_184356675.jpgI’ve had a lot of friends who’ve been having a hard time lately. Life gets you down, relationships don’t work out and sometimes work is too much. Sometimes life is too much. It’s hard to get out of bed, it’s hard to socialize, sometimes just existing has its issues…and its hard to rise above it.

“The Blues,” Depression, Anxiety, Seasonal Depression…whatever it is, sometimes there are moments where you are physically unable to “think positive,” which is the last thing that someone who is struggling with depression wants to hear.

(I heard it a few times growing up, and although they meant well, it didn’t really help.)

Sometimes I wish there was more you can do for someone.

I am very empathetic…and when I see someone suffering…I feel that pain along with them. When its depression, I know what its like to feel hopeless, I know the fear, the anxiety, the lack of social skills that goes a long with it.

And I wish I could throw a little comfort their way.

Tonight, I made some “comfort” of my own. I know you’re not supposed to eat your problems, but sometimes I home-cooked meal…is a reminder that love and comfort are just around the corner.

A good meal makes you feel safe. A good meal is something nice to share with someone. And even if you don’t want to talk, or share your problems, at least someone is there to lend an ear…if you need it.

So, what did I make?

wpid-img_20150916_185341561.jpgEnchiladas! These I made with ground beef, corn tortillas, red enchilada sauce, chopped green chilies, onion and lots of sharp cheddar cheese.

I’ve never made them with beef before, but I’m very happy how they turned out. I got the recipe from The Pioneer Women, who is one of my favorites on food network.  The real recipe calls for cilantro, but Mike doesn’t like it very much, so I left it out.

If you have someone who suffers, lend them an ear if they need it, cook them a meal, or hey – build them a nest.

Everyone wants someplace safe they can go to get away for a while.

And chocolate. Chocolate is nice, too.  😉

Hope everyone has a great night!

 

Saturday Musings: Books and More Books!

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wpid-img_20150829_143915630_hdr.jpgWas doing some cleaning around the apartment this afternoon, and thought I’d take a pic of all the books I collected from my bedroom.

This is just from the bedroom, people. I found books in my top dresser drawer, books on the floor, books on top of my jewelry box, and books next to my hamper. If you say I need a bookcase in my bedroom, I’d say you’d probably be right.

wpid-img_20150829_160952502.jpg

(Bookcase in office)

I’ve now come to the conclusion, that maybe I need a bookcase in every room, because it is clear that I love books! The top shelf of this bookcase are mostly books that I’ve purchased within the last month or so.

For all you book lovers out there, (especially young adult fiction readers) I recommend picking up An Ember in the Ashes, by Sabaa Tahir, and Maggie Steifvater’s The Raven Boys (and sequels that follow) as well as, The Scorpio Races.

Maggie Stiefvater is my favorite author, and Ember in the Ashes is a new favorite. Its got romance, an intense dystopian world and real at-risk action here.

Lately, I’ve also liked checking out non-fiction and autobiographies. I think its because its so inspiring reading real-life stories, and triumphs.

Why do I love books so much?

I think it has something to do with the fact that you can go anywhere you want and never leave your chair, or bed, or couch, or wherever you like to curl up and read a good book.

A good book can take you places.

Knowledge is power. When you read you learn, and there is no limit when it comes to reading. You can read whatever you want, wherever you want, and be inspired.

Sometimes when you have all these things going for you, reading a good book is like discovering something magical. And I just love that!

What do you like to read?

50 Word Stories: Turmoil

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007

I think I took this when super storm sandy happened.

Water fell in torrents. What a perfect end to a stormy night. Rain poured down the gutter, my face fell with it. I looked down at my speckled blue rain coat, and flicked the dark drops from my shoulders. Tomorrow will be a new day. Today, I’ll bury the hatchet.