creative writing

NaNoWriMo Day 2 & 3: How do you write plot again?

/ Ajmorse / Leave a comment

Word count: 2046

Any part of that actually worth keeping?  I have no idea.

What gets me, is that when most people set out to write a story, one might assume that they automatically know how to do it. That writing great characters, and planning a plot, and have that story actually go somewhere – all comes naturally.

It does not.

For some it might, sure. But not me. It’s taken me a while to realize (or maybe admit) that it is one of my weakest points in creating a story. Plot.

Plot. Plot. Plot.

If I have trouble visualizing it, I have trouble writing it and you can’t always visualize something that you aren’t sure is supposed to happen.

I’ve had some great advice from a writing friend in the last couple of days. She advises that I try to think of some things that I want to happen, and then piece together the main events, almost like following a trail of the story.

This is a nice bit of visual helpfulness, but I also learned from Sunday night’s writing that sometimes just writing it out, certainly lets me know what works and doesn’t work.

Everyone has their own path to follow when it comes to discovering what works for them, and no way is the wrong way. According to Stephen King’s On Writing: A Memoir of the Craft, he supposes that no writer truly knows what they are doing. He has some excellent advice to writers, which I probably will refer to in the next couple of days.

It might take a while to figure out what works best for you…I know it has for me.

Now, while my word count is not where I want it to be on this third night of NaNoWriMo, (I missed Monday night) I best get to work and try to get out what I can.

I’m not quite sure where my story is going to go in the next several pages, but maybe right now….that is the beauty in it for me. I might discover something fantastic.

Other writers do plots, they make outlines with fancy bullet holes. While I might do this to some extent, I think this method of just going for it (especially when this is my true attempt at NaNoWriMo) is what I should do from here on out. It’ll definitely teach me what to do, and what not do to. And what works best for me.

What about you guys? What method works best for you? Are you a visual writer, like me?

Happy Writing!

NaNoWriMo Day 1: My Story and More Planning

/ Ajmorse / Leave a comment

It is 8:35 p.m. on this Nov. the 1st.  My word count is: 703 , and I’ve managed to do some story planning and plotting in the last two hours and a half.

I’ve also managed to create a NaNoWriMo account, which I haven’t done in several years. Not since the early college days.

I don’t remember how to do anything on the website anymore, so setting up my account, my profile info, and my novel info, took a good thirty minutes and now I’m left here wondering: how do you add buddies again?

Speaking of which…if you guys are participating in NaNoWriMo this year, my username is amandagrey1 the same on here, so add me if you want!

It’s important that us writing people stick together. Especially me. Considering how long it took me just to get online to create an account. I am such a terrible procrastinator…

Give me a goal to make and a deadline, and suddenly I find all the excuses in the world to do everything else. It’s not like I don’t want to create my story, I guess when it comes down to it, it is always the fear of the expectations.

I don’t like creating things that are bad. I don’t like the idea of failing…on anything, really. So, once again…its that same old writer’s fear…

But the point is, I’m sitting down to do something now and that’s better than nothing.

Just a cute dragon pic I colored the other day. Thought it might give me some kind of inspiration for my story.

Just a cute dragon pic I colored the other day. Thought it might give me some kind of inspiration for my story.

My story is a young adult fantasy novel about a young prince, whose royal family has the ability to change into dragons. For years, the dragons and the witches and wizards of the country have been at odds with each other. Years ago, the witches and wizards were banished from the kingdom and magic was forbidden. But all that is about to change.

I left my description on my NaNo account deliberately vague, and I’m leaving it vague here as well, because, one, I’m still working out the kinks and, two, I’m very protective of my original ideas.

I guess I’m just slightly paranoid when it comes to that. Especially considering how many different ideas there are out there. Everyone hopes that their idea is original, and who knows…maybe mine is. I guess I’m just paranoid. Plus, its kind of hard to explain a novel that you’re still working out.

Anyway, back to the grindstone, and maybe I can churn out more words on the page in the next half an hour or so. I’m so proud of myself! Perhaps locking myself in my office was a good idea after-all…

Everyone having a great first day of NaNoWriMo?

Happy Writing!

Are you Going to NaNoWriMo?

/ Ajmorse / 11 Comments

Hey, guys. October is almost over…God, where did the days go? I am sick with some kind of head-cold-flu-achiness thing, and I just realized today that there are only two more days, (not counting tonight) till November!

Okay, well, I guess November isn’t that exciting…ladies: are we ready for no-shave November? Do any women really want to see their men that hairy? I mean, honestly…but back to NaNoWriMo.

indexI have a friend who has been diligently planning and brainstorming her plot for NaNoWriMo. She has her characters, she has key scenes, she has everything figured out to start writing on Sunday. And I couldn’t be more proud of her.

And I’ve got…nothing.

But that doesn’t mean I won’t give NaNoWriMo another shot this year. At any rate, it might be a nice chance for me to get a rough draft out for one of the many stories that I have yet to finish. But then I look at my story, at the characters, and the back story, and the history and I find there is still so much to do.

How did J.K. Rowling do it? I look to her as an example. All of that planning, all of the information that she knew about her characters and only about twenty percent of that got down on the page. You need to know your characters one-hundred percent. I used to laugh when I heard authors say their characters become like their children, but I guess it’s because I never really understood.

I get overwhelmed, the fear creeps in, and suddenly ten pages a day seems useless when it’s all going to be garbage anyway. I sometimes wonder, did J.K. Rowling ever struggle with writer’s doubt like I do?

I guess I have to keep reminding myself that no one is perfect from the get go, and you have to allow yourself to write crappy, to make mistakes, to take that leap. No fear.

No fear.

I had a manager who insisted that was her motto. To be honest, she drove me nuts, (she was such a control freak), but I think of her words now. I was in debt collecting, and you often dealt with customers that were less than pleasant. She would tell us to go into a call with no fear, to take control.

I think that same motto can apply for me here. I need to approach everyday in NaNoWriMo with no fear and remember that Rome wasn’t built in a day. It did take time for J.K. Rowling to develop her Harry Potter world. It wasn’t done in a month, and anything that I come out with at the end of November won’t be my next bestseller.

But it will be something.

And that’s definitely more than I have now.

Oh, and it’s supposed to be fun. Remember fun?

So self, don’t look at it as a chore. Look it as a way to kick some story-telling ass, and maybe just tackle that fear and self-doubt that’s been stalking me.

Who has time for self-doubt, anyway, when there are only thirty days in November?

Anyone out there doing NaNoWriMo this year? Have you done anything to prepare for it?

Happy Writing!

Slow Sunday, Bad Dreams and Rising Above it

/ Ajmorse / 2 Comments

Meh. It’s a crappy day outside here in upstate, New York. The sky is gray, kind of damp and windy and fall colors seem to be bleeding away into this disgusting looking reddish/brown and I am having a terrible time waking up this Sunday afternoon.

I thought about doing some cleaning and then shopping…but meh, I think I’ll just sit here in front of my light box and write. Woe is to me.

For someone who gets seasonal depression every single year, you’d think I would learn by now, right? Was rather weeping/down these past couple of days…didn’t realize it until I watched a sad video on youtube a few days ago, (I mean, not very sad,) and starting crying because of it.

Some great colors still - I snapped at my parent's house this weekend.

Snapped this at my parent’s house this weekend. Perhaps all the trees aren’t past their prime, yet.

Then, off to the light box – and I had a great Friday and Saturday with one of my friends: we had a girl’s night, ate pizza and watched The Age of Adeline, which I loved, and then had lunch with my sister and niece on Saturday.

Everyone needs a little soul food; and then a lovely Saturday night spent with Mike and I’m happy. Like, very happy. Back to normal. Summer Amanda. Woo.

Then…this morning’s dream.

My Grandma passed away this Spring, and its becoming clear to me now that the holidays are rapidly approaching and grandma is not going to be there this year to celebrate it with us. I know I knew this at the time it happened, but it’s not really sinking in until now.

I had a dream it was Thanksgiving at grandma’s house. I saw all this wonderful food set out in the kitchen and then for some reason, I decided to go take a nap. I fell asleep and no one woke me up to tell me that dinner was ready, and I came out to the kitchen and all the food was gone. There were some sickeningly sweet pudding and jello desserts left, but no cheese and crackers. No turkey, no mashed potatoes. Grandma was there in the kitchen with everyone, and they all exchanged looks with everyone as I slammed things down and brushed things aside, angry and confused that this had happened to me.

And then grandma steps up and smiles to me, and offers me something (I think it’s an apple,) and jokes and says something funny and tries to reassure me that everything’s okay, but it’s not. I rudely brush past her and run through her house to her guest bedroom, which is just off of the living room in the back of the house.

Suddenly, I’m sobbing into the bed because I know its Thanksgiving and grandma is not there anymore. She’s never going to be, and even if the food is all gone, the pain of her absence is more infuriating, hurts worse, more than the pain an empty stomach could ever be.

I woke up with tears dried on my face, and itchy eyes. And I have tears in my eyes now. What is the matter with me?

Thank you subconscious…For allowing me to remember. As if I could forget?

Grief makes you feel so lonely. Depression, too. All I want to do is crawl back into bed and have a do over. Maybe this time I would dream about meeting J.K. Rowling like I did last Saturday?

Time to get motivated. Time to remember that I’m not alone in this…that many, MANY others suffer from depression and need help, too. I think the best thing to do right now is make sure that I have an outlet…sometimes there is no lonelier a place than your own head space. (Hah! I made a rhyme!)

Okay, enough of that. I had this song stuck in my head today. (I recently discovered Pentatonix On My Way home documentary on Netflix, too!)

Their sound always seems to cheer me up. MUSIC cheers me up. Writing is always a great comfort to me as well.

What do you guys do to brighten up the day?

Happy Writing!

Restless…on a Friday? Again?! Yep. I’m a Writer.

/ Ajmorse / Leave a comment

I was out of work early again today. And I practically ran out of the building. I’ve been worried more and more about the lack of hours at my job, but I hate the idea of applying for something new.

Despite being boring, I like my job. Data Entry isn’t stressful. You don’t have to talk to anyone you don’t want to. But I happen to like my co-workers. For once in my life, I am surrounded by like-minded people my age and it is wonderful. We all seem to hate that we can’t find that high-paying job that we’ve all been searching for, but we like movies, we like food, and we like to laugh.

Even though it is not the best job in the world, the people who I work with make the job worth it. I found the same environment once years ago at my first job (at Wal-Mart surprisingly,) where you feel like part of a team, and your co-workers are also your friends. (I guess it’s easy to bond over a common enemy. Heh.)

100_1392But anyway, was telling my Mom on the phone this morning how I’m so sick of trying to find jobs that I don’t want. I understand that you have to work to pay your bills, but when it comes down to it…at the end of the day, I’m not a sales-associate, I’m not a debt-collector, I’m not an indexer, I’m not a customer service representative. I’m Me. Amanda. A Writer.

I’m a writer.

And I’m sick of making excuses about that. A person who studies to be a doctor, tend to work with sick people. A person who studies to be a teacher, teaches. I studied to be a writer, so I’m going to write. I’ll carry my burdens, and I’ll pay my bills and I’ll do what needs to be done.

But I’m not going to sit here any longer and feel ashamed or feel like a failure, because I can’t seem to find the job that works for me. Because when it comes down to it, maybe I can’t find that perfect job, because I was not meant to work at those places? Hmm.

Epiphany? Food for thought?

I say, us writers, or artists or whatever, need to stick together. Because not everyone is meant to be a top executive, or administrative assistant or successful business person.

Some of us are writers, and none of us should feel ashamed about that.

Happy Friday Everyone!

Feeling Restless on a Monday

/ Ajmorse / 4 Comments

I got out of work early today (thank goodness!)

Ever find yourself tapping your feet, glancing at the clock, wondering when the day is ever going to end? And if it does, hopefully it’ll be sometime this century?

I mentioned in an earlier post that I’ve been having trouble with anxiety. I tend to get anxiety due to my seasonal depression, but lately, I’ve been getting anxious doing nothing.

working manToday, glancing at the clock on my computer at work, I could have sworn that time crawled backwards just to mock me. Every twitch of the foot, every tap of my fingers on the keyboard was reminding, reminding, reminding me that I could be somewhere else, anywhere else. And that time is money.

Time is money, money, money…if only I got paid to waste time. (Well, one could almost argue that this is what I do at work most everyday, but anyway…)

If only I got paid to follow my dream…if only I could travel, see the world, pay the bills, see my family, and go back to school and not worry that my car might break down next month, or that I won’t be able to pay for groceries.

I want to be able to go out to eat where I want, I want to plan a meal (whatever it is) and be able to go out and get the ingredients, no matter the cost.

I want security, and I want love, and I want everything that a child of the 90s was promised: I want that American dream.

But then the economy crashed, we got a new president, and everything just…tanked.

I want…I want…

Right now, I’ve been content with how much (or how little) I have. I’ve been learning that life isn’t in petty things. It really isn’t food. It really isn’t the things you buy for yourself.

But…I definitely feel like its time to see more of the world. It’s time to move on. And maybe that brings me back to my whole going back to college thing. Maybe that will inspire me to do what I need to do to be where I want to be.

It is time for this restlessness to go away. Like…now. Okay. Rant over.

I hope everyone else is having more of a productive Monday than I am!

Happy Writing!

 

Saturday Morning Cartoons and the Winter Blues

/ Ajmorse / Leave a comment

It’s cold in our apartment this morning and its become that time where we can’t decide if it’s quite cold enough to remove the AC’s from the windows. (I think so!)

I woke up this morning, (and bundled up!) and got myself a cup of tea and brunch…and now I am settled in a blanket in front of the TV watching cartoons. (I found Phineas and Ferb on Netflix, tehehe).

S'Winter_SnowboardingThe point is: it is raining and chilly outside and I am completely content with being a bum and snuggling under the blankets. I think I might start reading a book, too.

This hibernation of mine this morning, reminds me of the last couple of days, which have been kind of rough for me. It has been terribly gloomy and rainy outside.

I get terrible seasonal depression, or Seasonal Affective Disorder, (SAD). For those of who don’t know what that is, read the definition here.

Basically it is what it sounds like it is. I get depression based on the seasons. Usually its based on how light it is outside…in the winter months the days are shorter and it does something to my brain…I don’t get all the happy chemicals I need and I spiral into an emotion imbalance…I change.

It’s very frustrating. Its like I lose half of myself each year. I morph from Summer Amanda into Winter Amanda and I don’t like losing myself each year to that other person.

(I know I definitely need to move south or something,) but right now I live in New York and this is who I am.

100_1392Summer Amanda likes to be creative, likes the sunshine, likes to try new things.0126131346Winter Amanda has a hard time concentrating, she’s super tired all the time and she wakes up more and more with a feeling of hopelessness deep in her chest.

The tiredness, I can deal with…but the depression….it makes it very difficult to wake up each and every morning.

Some days are better than others. This feeling of hopelessness also leads to self-doubt, which in turn leads to anxiety. It’s a never-ending cycle and sometimes it is exhausting.

I am very blessed to have friends and family in my life that get why on some days I just want to stay inside where its safe, though. I just want to be surrounded by love and comfort and warmth, and enjoy a nice night where I’m not self-doubting myself, where I felt content and safe and loved.

Not everyday is like that, though.

I am lucky, though; the shorter days will soon be over, and come late December, the days will start getting longer. It’s just these fall into winter months where I struggle the most.

So, I’m going to sit back, listen to music and enjoy my tea, and some light box therapy, and not feel guilty that I am being completely unsocial while doing so.

The people who are important to me in my life get it, and that’s enough for me.

Happy Saturday Everyone!

To MFA degree…or to not?

/ Ajmorse / 8 Comments

Remember when writing was fun?

 

I’ve seem to forgotten that lately. Back in my college days, Writing Workshop was fun. I spent those three-hour classes just letting go. I wrote my heart on the page and I felt free. I felt so relaxed and in-tuned with my inner self, that now four years out of college, I seem to be having a hard time remembering those days.

Sometimes I’ll have my moments in the sun. I’ll write a few pages to a story I haven’t touched in a while. I’ll write a new poem. I’ll come up with a new story idea. I might take a week and work solely on one project, (for once.)

And then by next week it’s all trashed again. Remember those bills I got to pay? That work or job I don’t want to go to? Those places I want to travel? Those mountains I want to see?

What will I find in the shadows of the mountains? Is the California sun really as bright as it looks on TV?

I keep telling myself that writing is my dream, but more than lately I feel like writing seems to be what I’ve been using as an excuse to get to those places. Can’t be a best seller if I don’t write…right? Can’t make money if I’m not a best seller and everyone knows that you can’t travel without money.

Sigh. I’ve just been so bored with life lately. Nothing inspires me. I love being busy, but when I’m not…suddenly I have a hard time breathing. I never knew that a person could get anxiety just by simply doing nothing?

Someone would think that with all this down time I should be using it to write, but sometimes I feel like I don’t have enough life experiences to write anything remotely interesting.

Now that brings me to my next thought: What if I went back to grad school?

I’ve been toying with the idea back and forth to get an MFA (Master of Fine Arts Degree) in Creative Writing and I spent some time today reading some pros and cons to such a venture.

Some people argue that the MFA degree in some areas has become so structural. That you often become influenced by the program that your writing changes as a result. It changes because you’re told that the world is looking for a particular type or style, while other people argue that it’s not really worth the debt that you’ll be potentially putting yourself in. It’s no secret that college in the U.S. is expensive.

Others say that yes, the MFA degree is for those that are looking to get back in the craft, (or it used to be,) to fine-tune writing that already has great potential.

Whatever the reason, an MFA could…inspire. Or put me in more debt.

The pro for me would be getting out seeing new places of the world, and getting back into that writing world, which I not only dream about lately, I yearn for it.

The con would be uprooting my life that I have now, a boyfriend, leaving family, a lack of money and where would I work while getting a grad degree?

But I can’t seem to get rid of that distant dream that has always been beckoning me on the horizon. Although an MFA degree might not be particularly useful in the job industry, (I mean, honestly, what English degree is nowadays,) it would be wonderful just being back in a college environment again. Oh, I miss it. I really do.

And I could always pursue journalism, or something.

What do you guys think? Where do you stand on the whole MFA issue?

I figure if J. K. Rowling can go without…that means something. But it doesn’t mean that someone can’t benefit from going back, right? Hmm. Certainly deserves some thought.

Unique Writing Prompt: Letters of the Alphabet

/ Ajmorse / Leave a comment

wpid-img_20150901_200812317.jpgI thought this was a neat idea. I always like looking for different and unique writing prompts. I got the idea from The Pocket Muse, by Monica Wood, which I’ve had on my bookcase for about a year now. It is definitely time to use it more.

The writing prompt is this:

Pick 10 random letters from the alphabet and try to write an opening sentence with it. I came up with:

M A F G H N S E Y T

“Maybe a future guiding helicopters–” Nancy stuttered. “Erin! Your tooth!”

Or…

V A W E R T M D K B

Veronica answered Waldorf, “Even Richling thought magic dragons killed Boarders…”

And I’m sure with a few tweaks (or many) you could possibly have something great here. Now, get to writing! (And that includes me, hah!).

Hope everyone has a great night!