time to sleep
it’s time i keep
close to myself
when the day is done
reality creeps in
and brings with it
hopelessness
It’s so difficult to be ON all of the time. I think it’s okay to make space for the crappy emotional health days. I certainly had my share of them last week. It’s important to come back, though, if you can… and know if you have more sad says than most, you’re not alone. ❤
–AJM
If you’ve liked what you read here, check out my poetry book Walking in Cemeteries…available for purchase on Amazon!
sounds of construction
float across empty side-walks
chaos building peace
in my mind, i fly
long grass on both sides
the black and white cows are silent
they are decor to this
one woman band
barreling her way
over this hill, this curve and the next
until everything within
vibrates
the silos, the grass covered hill,
those trees
that sunlight highlighting
the puffy white clouds
behind the blue
until everything feels too full
she is crying
her nails are too short
chewed down to the quick
she sobs
it’s hard to stay in the lines
it’s okay, we say
stop crying
when we should be singing
you’re beautiful
even beauty has
it’s unclean edges
we think we reassure her
but really
we wave her feelings aside
like a bad smell
we don’t have time for
it’s okay
stop crying
my heart breaks
thinking of it
when she’s grown
how often will she think
her feelings don’t matter
i wish i could find what’s missing
what makes doing and going someplace new
feel like i’m trudging through a battlefield
except artillery and rifle fire
are the unfamiliar places and people
where everything is bright and too loud
shadowy people with waxy faces
an alien dream
this is my nightmare
“i’m sure it’ll be fine”
is the social balm
for my nothing problem
doesn’t make me feel better
who’s scared to go places
freak
i’m exhausted
my mind is spinning and spinning like
i’m running for my life
i’m trying to dodge thoughts and possibilities
they pop out at me like too-tall cartoon characters, clowns with bleeding make-up and boulders waiting to crush me
imagining conversations with strangers like there is a ringing in my head
dragging my thoughts together
like a bunch of trampled papers
fearing words that might come out wrong, a response or joke i hear incorrectly
the more i know about myself
the more i think, i am in the world differently
i ask my therapist
what does it matter, she says
a proper diagnosis
is too expensive
if i knew when i was younger
that I would spend so much time
looking back to the days when things were simpler
yearning for it
with an ache that feels like grief
a longing that gnaws
like unsaid words
i might have enjoyed my time more
might have gone to the mall more often
might have told more secrets
got into trouble
if i had known the world doesn’t get any friendlier
that the scariness never really goes away
that i’ll still often feel like that 16-year-old farm girl
dressed in boots, patting cows
looking out across the field at the end of the barn
longing for something exciting to happen
maybe i would have realized sooner
that the stars don’t just fall for anyone
Thanks, all, for your patience while I figured out a new posting schedule this past month. I think what we’re going to try for May:
Monday: 10am
Thursday: 1pm
Hope everyone has a great week!
Happy Mental Health Awareness Month! Although, being aware of how important a healthy mental health is really an all-time gig, not just for the month of May. Just being a listening ear for someone can be a great help, too.
I hope you have a great week!
I like posting quotes regarding mental health, because I feel like many of us struggle and it is not talked about enough. We often don’t pay enough attention to our mental health. This is a friendly reminder to do something for yourself this week. Breathe and take it one step at a time. Sometimes, the dawning of a new day, does let you reset when you need to. Anxiety always tells us things are worse than they are.
Take care of yourself this week!
A. J. Morse 