job

Restless…on a Friday? Again?! Yep. I’m a Writer.

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I was out of work early again today. And I practically ran out of the building. I’ve been worried more and more about the lack of hours at my job, but I hate the idea of applying for something new.

Despite being boring, I like my job. Data Entry isn’t stressful. You don’t have to talk to anyone you don’t want to. But I happen to like my co-workers. For once in my life, I am surrounded by like-minded people my age and it is wonderful. We all seem to hate that we can’t find that high-paying job that we’ve all been searching for, but we like movies, we like food, and we like to laugh.

Even though it is not the best job in the world, the people who I work with make the job worth it. I found the same environment once years ago at my first job (at Wal-Mart surprisingly,) where you feel like part of a team, and your co-workers are also your friends. (I guess it’s easy to bond over a common enemy. Heh.)

100_1392But anyway, was telling my Mom on the phone this morning how I’m so sick of trying to find jobs that I don’t want. I understand that you have to work to pay your bills, but when it comes down to it…at the end of the day, I’m not a sales-associate, I’m not a debt-collector, I’m not an indexer, I’m not a customer service representative. I’m Me. Amanda. A Writer.

I’m a writer.

And I’m sick of making excuses about that. A person who studies to be a doctor, tend to work with sick people. A person who studies to be a teacher, teaches. I studied to be a writer, so I’m going to write. I’ll carry my burdens, and I’ll pay my bills and I’ll do what needs to be done.

But I’m not going to sit here any longer and feel ashamed or feel like a failure, because I can’t seem to find the job that works for me. Because when it comes down to it, maybe I can’t find that perfect job, because I was not meant to work at those places? Hmm.

Epiphany? Food for thought?

I say, us writers, or artists or whatever, need to stick together. Because not everyone is meant to be a top executive, or administrative assistant or successful business person.

Some of us are writers, and none of us should feel ashamed about that.

Happy Friday Everyone!

An English Major’s Struggle To Find a Job

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I recently took a new job here, (go figure, right?)…something that has me typing information at a desk, not customer service, not worrying about sales pitch – did I get it right? Just plain old monotonous information, and type-type typing away.typing-clipart-16-COLOR

And while this job was described to me as incredibly boring, I can’t but help be somewhat relieved. Left to my own thoughts, my own devices, I am more productive, less stressed and overall satisfied. Plus, I don’t have to talk to anyone if I don’t want to. Is it sad how much this is a relief to me?

Ever since college I have been struggling finding my way or niche in this world…I watch friends of mine, graduates from the same college get jobs at corporations, in the classroom, or go on to pursue higher education at graduate school.

I am proud of them and their accomplishments, but where does that leave me? Taking a job in retail, in customer service, in collections…finding places that pay the big bucks with little need to think or grow? I don’t live in an area that offers an overwhelming amount of options, either. I feel like I have ruined my job experience…even the manager that recently interviewed me said he was worried about hiring me…”Your job history seems a little…scattered,” he said.

“Oh, I know,” I said, and then shrugged. What could I say?

“I missed the boat when it came to moving to Florida?”

“I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up?”

Life is difficult and not always forgiving when it comes to pursuing your dreams and passions. I got an English degree, so everyone assumed that I wanted to be a teacher. I worked in customer service, so everyone assumed that I’m great on the phone, and love to help others. (I am great on the phone by the way. Former debt collector here, watch out!)

But what to do…what to do, when all of the world seems to be telling me that I am a failure? I took the jobs…because I needed the money. Not everyone has a savings or rich relatives. (Oh, but wouldn’t that be nice!)notebook in candlelightSince I was a young teen, the one thing that I consider myself great at is writing. This led to the thought: “I’ll be a writer.” Yet, with the pressure on to pay the bills…is such a desire a pipe dream? Or should I really just bite the bullet and go back to college…even though I don’t know what I want to study?

The questions are endless and the emotions boarding on that feeling of overwhelming sadness. I think the real answer to these questions are:

Do what makes you happy and don’t worry what everyone else thinks.

My head is grasping for the words of advice I’ve heard many times: “Don’t give up, you’ll get there.”

“Believe in yourself.”

“Never stop writing.”

“Don’t lose faith in yourself.”

Yet, they seem to be falling on deaf ears this afternoon, or falling in the cracks of heater and getting lodged there, (God knows little heat is getting out!).

doryThe sun is peaking out of the clouds now, and the snow has finally stopped. For some reason Dory’s voice from Finding Nemo has snuck its way into my head:

“Just keep swimming…just keep swimming…What do we do? We swim!”

Hmm…I am a terrible swimmer, but I can keep going, no matter how difficult it is…

The truth of the matter is, I am not unhappy here, sitting at my desk in the sunshine, which is creeping through to land on the floor and the cheery, yellow walls of my office.

I can keep on swimming, and I can begin to stop listening to what others think…because only my opinion matters in this instance. Being a writer is my pipe dream, and that’s all that matters.

I can keep on swimming no matter the cost.

Part 2 Confessions: Edits and Extra Thoughts

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I was having some formatting troubles with my post last night, so in case you missed it, you can view it here.

I asked my boyfriend what he thought about it and he was like, yup, sounds like you really hate your job.

And don’t get me wrong, I don’t like it there…and am currently in the process of finding something new, but mostly I wanted to express my frustration at the lack of options for college graduates like myself and other people my age.

I was told to dream big growing up, and yet…reality doesn’t seem to make a lot of dreams possible nowadays!

Anywho, I’m not giving up though, and if I’m meant to write for a living, well, I’m just going to make that happen!

Best wishes to everyone and hope you enjoy your weekend! And keep on writing!

 

Part 2: Confessions – I am a child of the 90s, and yes, I hate my job

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Part 2: Confessions was supposed to be about facing my Writer’s Fear, but this rant is very much-needed so hold onto your hats people. If you missed Part 1: Confessions, Struggling with Writers Fear you can read it here.

working manIt’s no joke, the majority of middle class Americans are probably in the same boat – working day in and day out, struggling to make rent and hating the 8 to 5 job that pays the bills but keeps them locked to the grindstone. No freedom to do what you want, when you want and where you want.

It’s work all day for little pay. It’s time clocks, and meetings and little vacation days. It’s cramming in a few texts during 15 minute breaks. It’s knowing that the boss-man is always watching, waiting with that memo that doesn’t make sense.

It’s managers that get promoted when they don’t know a daaamn thing. It’s – not who you know, it’s who you blow.

It’s “The Office.”

It’s…politics.

Several weeks ago, I moved to a new town, packed my bags, said goodbye to the folks and grabbed an easy 8 to 5 job that is now slowly eating my brains out. (Note to self, remember to apply for new jobs a bit sooner next time.)

At any rate, its amazing how dysfunctional some companies are. Where people get treated like numbers and the company gets away with it. How ridiculous the rules of attendance are, of break times, of self-importance. When did it get to be like that?

When did I become of a peon in the great big world of the machine? I don’t remember signing up for that.

clip art handsI am a child of the 90’s. I was told to follow your heart, follow your dreams, go to school for what you what. Well…if this is where a Liberal Arts degree in English Literature gets you, I feel gypped.

Today I got told by a girl barley in her twenties that I didn’t know anything. And that jolted me to a stop. I’m sorry? You don’t know anything about me, much less what I know and don’t know. At any rate, it pissed me off.
I’m a twenty-five year old college graduate, who works hard for nothing, and The Writer in me is ready to stand up and pay attention. I don’t deserve to be anyone’s bitch, much less the company that I work for.

I’ve decided it’s time to be honest, and its time to be honest with myself. I want to write for a living. I want to find the freedom in my job, and in myself to work hard and do what I love to do day in and day out. With no fear.

Maybe the ridiculous of this company is pushing me in the right direction – I am soo very close to just quitting my job and starting to write for a living.

If I were honest with my self, I would admit that I am wasting my time being responsible for once. Sometimes you have to be a little reckless to follow your dreams. I mean, who ever said that getting what you want was easy?

I have to remember that it’s not my job that defines me, it’s who I am and what I chose to do with my time here on earth that makes me who I am.

And it is my time to be honest with myself.

tampaI thought that I would make April a month of Confession Posts. Mostly Writing related, but this rant caught up with me tonight and needed to be let out. I know that there a lot of college graduates out there and people my age who feel the same. And we need to be heard and to support each other.

Look forward to Part 3 Confessions: How to Beat Writer’s Fear in a few weeks!

Any thoughts? Ideas? Rants of your own that need to be heard? Comment below! Writing is freedom! Let’s take advantage of it!

Hello World – You Suck

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I wasn’t going to post tonight, and as it is exactly 12AM… I will not post tonight, but will say hello to tomorrow morning and hope that it does me better as soon as the sun comes up.

Well, I might have mentioned that I do not have a job. I worked for a company for about a month, and then I got a startling “You’re not working fast enough” and the company let me go. I had quit two part time jobs to work for this company full-time and suddenly I find myself out of work and on unemployment and bored as hell.

Hence, the birth of this blog. I would not have created it had I not thought, hey, now is a time to focus on the writer part of me as I apply for other jobs…

A happy cupcake I made some time ago…if I only I had one now. Another solution to stress…CHOCOLATE!!!

Well, I thought I’d take this time to express my extreme frustration in the fact that I am a college educated individual that A) seems qualified for nothing and B) cannot find anything full-time that will help me pay my bills. Sure, I can go back to retail and work for $7.75 an hour again, but I did not get a degree for nothing and I owe it to myself to try, right? (There is also the sad fact that I have the potential to make more on unemployment than if I took a part-time job working 15 hours a week. Which is what you’ll get in a lot of retail jobs.)

There’s also the sad, sad fact that I have not had health insurance since I was about 19 years old. (I am now 24.) And dammit, I want health insurance! With the right full-time, I just may get that.

Now, that I’ve whined and complained for a bit, I feel a tad better. (My poor mother, she got the brunt of it, you lucky, lucky bastards…)

And now I am going to go play a rousing game of Bloxorz and try to forget that the world sucks, and ultimately, I am a writer who is qualified for nothing. Oh, and there is the fact that the world is falling about our ears…economy…economy…economy…

I’m sure things will look better in the morning… :/  Right? Honestly, what’s the world coming to??

I can honestly understand now why someone might think that a “Revolution” might be a good idea…