Well, I’ve Finally Killed My Darlings

You guys were so helpful when it came to my confusion when it came to killing characters. I loved the insight you gave me, and I meant to get back to my story right away, but then I got injured and I haven’t felt well to sit at my computer lately.

Well, this morning I woke up inspired and full of new ideas for my story and I’ve gone and done it: I’ve killed off my character, and boy, am I happier for doing so! (I did cry, but well, it was bound to happen.)

My story finally has a purpose, it has the meat that it was missing before! It needs a few more re-writes and scenes fleshed out, but it feels more complete than it ever did before.

Never thought I would say that I was happy about killing off a character, but I am! Poor thing! But she served her purpose, and now she is a hero and the story has a lot more sacrifice and heart because of it.

I’ve got to finally get around for the day, and get some other stuff done, but I’m proud that I got some good two hours of story writing in today!

Hope you guys are also having a productive Saturday!

Happy Writing!

What do you do when a book lets you down?

Heading to bed here in a few and I thought I would pose this question to you guys. Some friends and I at work were talking about books today (as we often do,) and I had to have a laugh when one of my friends described a book that she recently read, and how horrible she thought the main character was, so vapid, predictable and uninteresting.

She sounded so offended and disgusted by how much the book had let her down, that I had to chuckle. And then I thought about it and I had read a book recently that made me feel the same way: The Wolf Gift, by Anne Rice.

I remember how many expectations I had for the book…how kind of appalled and disgusted I was when it was such a let down. Especially since I know that her other books were great. The descriptions in some of the narrative…Anyway…

Why are we like that? Do we expect too much from our favorite authors? Or is trying out a new book kind of like entering into a contract of sorts…you feel obligated to see the relationship through, but if it doesn’t deliver? What a waste!  (So I suppose such disgust and aggravation is understandable then, huh?)

Do you get angry? Do you see it through? Or do you move on to the next book in your reading list? Life is too short!

What are your guys thoughts?

Hope you guys have a great night! Happy Writing!

Self Doubts and Elizabeth Gilbert’s novel, Big Magic

Had a busy weekend this past time around. It was the other half’s birthday, PLUS Easter, so most of Sunday and Monday was spent away from home, so except for Saturday, I didn’t get much writing done.

I sat down at my desk on Saturday with the intention of working on the story…you know the one I told you guys all about? The one where I’m going to kill off one of my favorite characters? (gulp). Annd…of course, I ran into another snag.

You ever sit there and re-read what you’ve written and think to yourself: It’s crap. It’s total crap. It’s never going to come together. I’m sitting here just fooling myself. What am I doing? Why bother? I’m not as good as I think I am…

I listened to the doubts and I ran away from the computer and probably got a snack, (because that’s what I do lately, I stress eat.) And I didn’t get back to writing. I might have written a few paragraphs…if even.

I told my friend about it today at work and she reminded me of the fact that we all have those doubts, and it’s just a first draft, so you can always go back and re-work it. Which, of course, makes sense…but…its amazing how much a tiny bit of doubt is so crippling.

I recently listened to Elizabeth Gilbert’s Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear and I think of that now. If you haven’t read it and need some writing encouragement, I suggest you check it out. The audio is great, too, as Gilbert herself reads it. It’s amazing. I could probably do several more blog posts just talking about that novel, and hey, I probably will, someday, but that’s not the point.

In the novel, she talks about how a lot of writers listen to the voice, that negative voice that tells us we are no good, that we are worthless, that our stuff is crap, and that we should just crawl back into our hole.

She mentions how some writers feel like they need permission to be a writer, that we almost need someone to tell us that yes, you are a writer, and that its okay to create, to fail, to have doubts…

Now, I’m just paraphrasing of course, and I probably twisted her words a bit, (I’m not good without a physical copy of the book in front of me,) but then she grants us permission to be a writer, and I love this!

I like this thought of permission to be a writer. We all know, that in reality, we don’t NEED permission to create, but boy, do those doubts tell us otherwise! They tell us that we really are nothing and shame on us for trying! I love how Gilbert gets to the heart of the matter with just those few words.

The doubts make us feel like we aren’t worthy, but that’s so untrue! And by telling us that we have permission right off the bat, makes me realize how silly doubting can be, and I want none of that!

I’m sure more doubts will creep in down the road, (they are bound to, it’s me,) buut, I am reminded of this ludicrous idea: that I need permission to create. As if anyone can stop my creative process?! As if I can’t create when I want to?!

I love the challenge that Gilbert inadvertently creates with her words. Me? Need permission to create? Yeah, right! I’ll do what I want!

It’s so much easier to be the self-righteously offended, than to let those doubts creep in.

Have you guys read Gilbert’s new novel? Any thoughts on it? Do you ever have doubts, too?

Hope everyone has a great night! Happy Writing!

Sunday Night Oscars and Writing

Today was a beautiful day. A balmy 50 degrees and sunny here and definitely not feeling like February. We definitely lucked out this winter…makes me wonder what’s in store for us next year, eh? Flooding? Blizzards?

Anyway, had a successful morning and afternoon. Made some pancakes, bacon, home fries and eggs for brunch today, and while the other half went back to bed with a book, I disappeared into my office for some writing time.

(This is what I was listening to this afternoon while writing).

I’m really enjoying these sunlit, late afternoons to myself lately. There was a nice, cool, clean breeze coming through the window, I had my headphones on blasting some Celtic dance music, and I was transported into a different world. It felt exciting, and sexy and full of adventure.

Finding the moment where you actually feel enveloped in the world you created seems very rare for me lately, and I enjoyed it a lot this afternoon.

Tonight, we are watching the Oscars, although my negative self can’t help but ask every once and awhile: how expensive do you think her dress is? More than all the rents in this building? More than my car? (Money is so depressing, lately.)

Anyway, we are tuning in mostly to see Leo DiCaprio and his nomination in The Revenant, which Mike (the other half,) said was a great film. I have not seen it yet. And while everyone gushes over dresses, and controversial issues, I turn to writing and research.

I’ve been doing that a lot lately, too…story researching! Mike might walk in my office and see me researching sail boats and solar energy, and sub-genres of fantasy. I might look up dresses, (been very obsessed with what my characters are wearing lately.) Today, I was listening to tribal drums.

The world is the limit, and I am very much enjoying the new found passion I have found in my projects. It doesn’t matter if it is different than everyone else…that’s the point!

Hope everyone has a great week! Happy Writing!

Why J. K. Rowling is My Hero

My much-used Harry Potter books. :P

My much-used Harry Potter books. 😛

The other day I was thinking about how much I admire J. K. Rowling; how I tend to think of her lately as my own creative writing hero, how much I admire her writing style, her books, and her determination.

I admire her because she is such an inspiration. Most of us know her story; she was a single mom living on benefits, and while she was struggling to get by and in the years previous, she created a novel: Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone.

She didn’t know what was going to happen, but she had a story that she wanted to tell, characters that she loved and she created a home for them.

I have a friend at work who likes to write like me, and every time I ask him about his story, he gives a sigh of frustration and says that he can’t seem to finish what he has done, and that it’s taken him four years to get a rough draft finished.

“Four years?” I always reply, “It took J.K. Rowling about ten.”

To this he gets a thoughtful expression and then, “I didn’t know that.”

I think a lot of writers put too much pressure on themselves, (myself especially) and we forget that greatness doesn’t happen overnight, it doesn’t always happen to everyone, but if we have a story that we love and that we want to write, we can’t forget that story. We can’t give up on it.

J.K. Rowling is my hero because she didn’t give up on Harry Potter, even though things in life, new jobs, relationships and heartbreak sometimes get in the way. She might have had doubts, she might have thought that it was useless, but she kept writing, and because she kept writing she kept true to herself.

I sometimes forget how empty it feels when a writer doesn’t write. How much of myself I miss when I don’t see my true voice down on the page. (As you might guess, I’m not always the most articulate when it comes to having to explain myself by actually speaking.)

But J.K. Rowling is my hero because she wasn’t afraid to love her characters so much that she took ten years to write their story. She could have forgotten about it, she could have stopped writing – just imagine it: would you want to live in a world where Harry Potter doesn’t exist?

I must admit, I get a bit sick feeling thinking about this…kind of like when people say Star Wars and Star Trek are the same thing (shudders) what a cold a dismal world we would live in!

Anyway, I must mention J.K. Rowling at least once in every other blog post, but I think she is worthy of admiration. She is a great writer, a great story-teller, and an inspiration to anyone that has an idea that we can’t let go.

Keep writing everyone! That’s all we can do!

NaNoWriMo Day 2 & 3: How do you write plot again?

Word count: 2046

Any part of that actually worth keeping?  I have no idea.

What gets me, is that when most people set out to write a story, one might assume that they automatically know how to do it. That writing great characters, and planning a plot, and have that story actually go somewhere – all comes naturally.

It does not.

For some it might, sure. But not me. It’s taken me a while to realize (or maybe admit) that it is one of my weakest points in creating a story. Plot.

Plot. Plot. Plot.

If I have trouble visualizing it, I have trouble writing it and you can’t always visualize something that you aren’t sure is supposed to happen.

I’ve had some great advice from a writing friend in the last couple of days. She advises that I try to think of some things that I want to happen, and then piece together the main events, almost like following a trail of the story.

This is a nice bit of visual helpfulness, but I also learned from Sunday night’s writing that sometimes just writing it out, certainly lets me know what works and doesn’t work.

Everyone has their own path to follow when it comes to discovering what works for them, and no way is the wrong way. According to Stephen King’s On Writing: A Memoir of the Craft, he supposes that no writer truly knows what they are doing. He has some excellent advice to writers, which I probably will refer to in the next couple of days.

It might take a while to figure out what works best for you…I know it has for me.

Now, while my word count is not where I want it to be on this third night of NaNoWriMo, (I missed Monday night) I best get to work and try to get out what I can.

I’m not quite sure where my story is going to go in the next several pages, but maybe right now….that is the beauty in it for me. I might discover something fantastic.

Other writers do plots, they make outlines with fancy bullet holes. While I might do this to some extent, I think this method of just going for it (especially when this is my true attempt at NaNoWriMo) is what I should do from here on out. It’ll definitely teach me what to do, and what not do to. And what works best for me.

What about you guys? What method works best for you? Are you a visual writer, like me?

Happy Writing!

Interview with K. Starling: An insight into self-publishing

bookIf you missed my review of K. Starling’s novel In Beauty’s Veins you can read it here.

In Beauty’s Veins is a novel about the journey of four women all united by a Healer named Daphne, who comes to the town of Halfawaise with the intentions of finding a lost neighbor and to become a healer there. But the town is immediately suspicious: is she really a Healer that the Legends talk about?

It doesn’t help that another legend follows her there, when Berri, one of the women who befriends Daphne, discovers someone who was attacked by a Vampyre. As Daphne tells her story to her new friends, suddenly the things that used to be legend aren’t legend anymore.


Miss Starling was able to take time out of her busy day to sit down with me and have a chat about her new novel, self-publishing and the writing process behind it:

Me: What was your inspiration for In Beauty’s Veins? When did you come up with the idea?

K.S: It’s kind of embarrassing actually. There was a melange of reasons. It started as a romantic fantasy in my head inspired by a how-to-draw Gothic Manga picture that I found really sexy. Then Twilight came out and I thought, “Oh, I could probably make money on this fantasy.” But then I cared too much about my characters, so I actually developed them. And I actually get annoyed by romance being the end-all of any story, so it pretty much died.

Me: I did notice there was some romantic element, but it was refreshing to see all the different themes, like woman’s rights, sexuality, forgiveness, self-worth….was there a particular reason you chose to write about such things?

K.S: It was in the forefront of my mind just then. Our culture is at an interesting point in which we’re really self-reflecting on how we view people based on differences and I felt like exploring some of my own experiences through this story. These are topics that make people uncomfortable, but I don’t want to be uncomfortable about them.

Me: Nice. How long did it take to write the novel?

K.S: From start to finish, about seven years, but bear in mind that the first three drafts were an almost utterly different story. Berri didn’t exist until maybe three years ago and then I was working full-time and took a hiatus. Once I actually outlined it properly and dealt with the addition of Halfawaise into the plot (cultural and language development) it took me about a year and a half.

Me: It’s funny how first time writers always think that writing a book is a quick thing. It definitely does take time to develop. Why the title that you chose? Was there some thought into it?

K.S: It’s meant to allude to the allegorical reference to Beauty and the Beast, but also the depth and grit of the story (so veins and not blood, which has almost become sexualized as a word). I didn’t want someone picking this up thinking it would be fluff.

The world inside of K. Starling’s novel, In Beauty’s Veins.

Me: Going back to Halfawaise and the world that you’ve created…how did that come about?

K.S: I’m interested in cultural development. A lot of my studies have been deeply rooted in cultural identities, primarily Chinese and Celtic cultures. However, my interest definitely veered based on information I learned. I was curious what a Scandinavian Empire might have looked like had our continents drifted differently. I thought it would be interesting, too, to explore a pseudo-French Revolutionary culture that tends towards Communism and Atheism and how the cultures converse across borders.

Me: And the language that you created in the book? How did that come about? Was there some specific inspiration you used for that?

K.S: They’re purely derivative. I don’t really intend to do much expansion in the story, so I wasn’t going to spend a lot of time developing languages. (Laughs.) You’ve got Atwainsk, which is basically Scottish Gaelic plus some Germanic influence, and then Nordsk is just a combination of Germanic and Scandinavian languages. I did a little work on dealing with Middle versus Old versions of the languages (like Keltoig), but not a lot. The one Chinese expression, however, was made up. It’s Mandarin in meaning, but it’s not a real cheng-yu.

“Cao you bu hua” 草友不花  “Grass friends don’t flower” – it’s from the scroll Anwar shows Daphne. Chinese has a neat history of four character idioms (cheng-yu). I love them.

Me: On a different note, the story is told from different points of view…why did you choose to go that route?

K.S: It was originally a first-person sequential narrative, but I decided Daphne wouldn’t narrate first-person. That’s not the way she thinks. So I played with third-person before deciding that I wanted a different perspective on her story, so I introduced Berri, her polar opposite, to look at things with new eyes. But then Berri turned into such an interesting character that I wanted other characters to share their thoughts on her, so I expanded on Nade and Gerri, both of whom have their own slants. I just wanted to look at the different aspects of the landscape, to see what that felt like. Berri is just so ego-based that telling a story purely from her perspective would be exhausting, and Daphne is so conflicted and gentle that she wouldn’t be able to capture the facts.

Me: I think it was a good choice, the story felt more complete because of it. Is there any character that you identify with?

K.S: All of them to some extent. Although, I call Daphne my drunk self. She’s so determined to like everyone. But I have my Berri days for sure.

Me: Would you say Daphne is your favorite?

K.S: Daphne is the character I most admire, but I don’t think she is my favorite. I feel very protective of Rose, actually. I feel like I failed her as a writer sometimes. I wish I could have given her more screen time, in a manner of speaking. Her life was just so painful.

Me: I know you mentioned that you didn’t intend to continue the story, but can we look forward to a sequel, or another novel in this world?

K.S: I’m debating it. If I do, it would definitely be a different cast of characters, although I would take some time in Halfawaise. I haven’t decided. I have some ideas, but not enough to do much about it.

Me: One more thing on the novel: When I was reading it, I was toying with the idea that the four women really are parts of a whole, as each of the women have such different personalities…Berri having a darker side, Daphne optimistic, Gerri the nerdy type, Yolain who is concerned about her looks…combined into one, the four really do represent many of the issues that women struggle with in today’s world. Any thoughts on that?

K.S: With Daphne and Berri, I was definitely playing with polarity. Yolain and Gerri, who my writing group referred to as the Two Stooges, just sprung up for me. Gerri interests me for a lot of reasons, of course. She struggles with her sexuality, her desire to learn things, and to stay somewhat hidden to maintain that independence. Yolain projects confidence, but is very much living in constant fear of failure. Keep in mind she’s been carrying her experience of near-capture around with her for years. I think she understands better than anyone what it means to be a woman in the Skalda Domain.

***AND then we touched on the benefits of self-publishing…

Me: Why did you choose to self-publish? What are the benefits you think?

K.S: Frankly going the traditional route with this book never crossed my mind. It doesn’t fall neatly into any genre and is really hard to market. If a publisher picked it up, I can almost guarantee they’d want me to clean it up – remove the swearing, sexuality, and pump up the romance. They’d want the vampyres to be sexy, and that was against my philosophy.

Me: You mentioned that you had other projects you were working on…do you think you will self publish those as well?

K.S: That’s the plan. The next one takes place in Horseheads, NY, actually. It might have a place in traditional marketing, more than In Beauty, but it’s pretty brutal. I like maintaining creative control. I have no illusions that I can do this for money, and I don’t really want to. I like my day job and I enjoy my projects.

Me: Are there books that you might consider getting an agent, or publisher for, or no?

K.S. Probably not. I feel that I would remove part of the fun. I’m a project manager by day; I’m good at this stuff. I don’t need someone else putting a deadline on me. A lawyer, however, probably wouldn’t hurt. (Laughs).

Me: It is definitely a great ambition. And it says a lot that you are doing this for the fun of it, for yourself. How do you personally market your novel?

K.S: I’ve been really busy. Mostly I bought 50 copies and have persuaded some local businesses to carry them for me. I’m going to head over to B&N here in Madison and back in Elmira to let them know I’m local. I have a few book clubs I know of that have interest in it. Otherwise, I’m going to Johnny Appleseed it. I have some post-card style advertisements and I travel a LOT, so a few copies will find their way into international hostels and libraries.

Me: Did you hire an editor to proof read your novel at the end?

K.S: I did. It’s a bad idea for me to proof my own stuff.

Me: Is that the best way to go, you think? Also, getting someone to do the cover art?

K.S: I do. I would feel so horrible if my baby got out there and had a sloppy typo going on. My cousin has a friend in NYC who’s an illustrator who was looking for work and I know a local graphic designer. I wanted a nice-looking product, so I went big. Also, it’s a lot of fun to collaborate with other artists. I have a buddy in Brooklyn who did some costume sketches for me (on my website) and I’m so glad I hired her to do it. It really brought some of the scenes to life for me.

Me: I’ve always wanted to do that for some of my projects…it seems like such fun. What words of encouragement do you have for other writers out there who are trying to self publish?

K.S: It’s a serious investment of time. Pay attention to what you’re doing. Be ready to invest a little cash if you want a nice product, or else be ready to do a lot of legwork yourself. Know what your goal is with the project and balance that against what you can actually commit. I count myself lucky that I don’t need to do this for a living, because it’s a very competitive market and it’s almost entirely luck-based. If you’re not doing it because you love it, take a step back and find out why.

Me: I think all the outside views definitely make it hard to write what you want and for yourself, especially when you have others judging you. Did you struggle with writer’s fear at all? Writer’s Block?

K.S: I have moments to be sure. I try to just write piles of garbage until I get through whatever is in the way. I’ve actually started doing erotica on the side (under a pen name) just to keep writing so I can go crazy without fear of judgement. Fearlessness is critical when you’re expressing yourself, you know?

Me: Great words….How often do you write? Is there a specific time a day that works best for you? And did you have a regimen that you stuck to for writing In Beauty’s Veins?

K.S: I feel like every writer has their own mode of habit. With my job and hobbies, I can’t commit a lot of time to writing on a regular basis, so I try to mentally write (live in my head) when I’m waiting in lines or traffic to keep it going. When I travel, I write probably between 1 and 5 hours a day. With In Beauty, I hammered out 50,000 words when I was in Taiwan for 6.5 weeks. I have to make space away from obligations, so that means getting out of my house and away from people I know. I actually made a Ulysses Compact with myself for In Beauty… I wanted to finish it by a certain date, and I was having trouble motivating at the time, so I threatened to shave my head if I failed. I did not fail.

Me: (Laughs) Would you have really shaved your head?

K.S: Yes. You have to keep your word to yourself, you know?

Me: Oh, I know. What are some of your next projects, if you don’t mind me asking?

K.S: Sure! I’m working on a semi-apocalyptic piece in which magic is released again into the world (Unleashed), but it follows the paths of two sisters who hate each other, and who find very different ways to survive. I’m also writing a novel based on a film I made in college called Styx & Stones, which is about two college students who can interact with ghosts and how they cope. I’ve also got three others on the back burner that somewhat tie into the first two, but I haven’t decided to what extent yet.

Me: Do you have your own website/ blog where we can find updates?

K.S: Yes. It’s www.kxstarling.com. You can find my facebook account under K. Starling.

Me: Do you have any writing quirks or habits that you want to share?

K.S: I always make soundtracks for my books before I write them. And then I listen all the time until the novel is done.

Me: That’s awesome. Is the soundtrack on your website?

K.S: It’s not, but you know, I’m thinking about it. I’m planning to update some content next week when I’m off work. That could be fun!

Me: For fun, last question: What is your favorite book? Your favorite author?

K.S: Favorite book is probably The Sparrow, by Mary Doria Russell. It was magnificent. But I go through phases. Favorite author is probably Lu Xun, because I admire him so much. He wrote short stories during the Chinese May 4th Era – mostly cultural criticisms. Absolutely stunning.

*****And that’s that! She was able to offer us some great insight into self-publishing… and how important it is to make sure that the product you have out there is the best that it can possibly be!

I like what she says about Writer’s Fear:

“Fearlessness is critical when you are expressing yourself.”

Happy Writing everyone!


K. StarlingK. Starling has a Bachelors degree in Comparitive Literature and a minor in Chinese from Binghamton University. She has studied at National Taiwan University and University of Nottingham. In her spare time, she likes traveling, guzzling tea, and is training to be a Yoga teacher. In Beauty’s Veins is her first novel.

In Beauty’s Veins can be found on amazon.com, here. Look for updates on her website at www.kxstarling.com and on facebook at K. Starling.

Review: In Beauty’s Veins, by K. Starling; a book about friendship, women, and self worth

Later on today, I will be posting an interview with K. Starling herself, about her new novel, self-publishing and her writing process, but first a review:

Novel: In Beauty’s Veins, by K. Starling

Genre: Fantasy / science fiction

Audience: Any woman who cares about the rights of her fellow women, although guys might be drawn to its interesting world and unique take on vampires.

Review: 

When I first picked up K. Starling’s book, In Beauty’s Veins, I joked that it had some heft to it, but little did I know that later I would also be using this phrase to refer to its content. Here we have a novel that touches on many themes: A woman’s rights and sexuality, self-worth, friendship, forgiveness, revenge, monsters, death, and healing…just to name a few.

To find this all in one novel is like finding a gem amongst the stones. There’s just so much in this novel to think about.

In Beauty’s Veins is a novel about the journey of four women all united by a Healer named Daphne, who comes to the not exactly desirable town of Halfawaise with the intentions of finding a lost neighbor and to become a healer there. She is of course met with some road blocks: the town medic, who doesn’t want another Healer in his town and the suspicion that follows her title: Is she really a Healer that the Legends talk about?

It doesn’t help that another legend follows her there, when Berri, one of the women who befriends Daphne, discovers someone who was attacked by a Vampyre. As Daphne tells her story to her new friends, suddenly the things that used to be legend aren’t legend anymore.

Told in a mixture of third and first person perspective, Daphne, the Healer, manages to heal more than just flesh and blood; she touches each woman’s heart and soul. Especially Berri, who was accused many years ago of murder and has no friends.

Through Daphne’s story, we learn how the world should be, (and the way it often isn’t); how important sometimes one friend is to a person truly alone in the world. How a woman should be defined by how she sees herself, not her sex.

It challenges the concept of who is a monster: a vampire, who by definition is a monster, or a human, who rapes and kills? It touches on right and wrong. Could an action so innocent, really cause so much harm? And how important it is to love yourself in order to love others.

This is a novel worthy of a good book club, as there are a lot of things to talk about afterwards. Here you will find a world that is truly different than anything I have read out there. Starling has weaved a tale that’s so refreshing in its complexity, in the character’s friendships and the compassion they show towards one another.

Here’s a peak at the map to this world in the inside cover:

K. Starling’s In Beauty’s Veins can be found on amazon, here. And look for updates on her website: www.kxstarling.com.

Stay tuned for more K. Starling this evening!

NEW READS: Featuring Author, K. Starling’s book, In Beauty’s Veins

I have been offered a great opportunity. One of my former classmates and friend, K. Starling, has self-published her own novel, In Beauty’s Veins, and has agreed to do an interview with me!

The opportunity will give us some insight into self-publishing, her writing process and of course her work of fiction, which is drawing me in with its incredible world and great characters.

10668432_10202063361700310_926469207_nTaken directly from the back of the novel itself, In Beauty’s Veins is a story about friendship, forgiveness and finding hope in dark places against all odds.

Five years after she is torn away from everything and everyone she knows, Daphne is tired of her fruitless search for a lost friend. Leaving her homeland in the Atwin Counties, she arrives in the merchant town of Halfawaise ready to open a medical practice. However, her medical training is unusual since she is a Healer, a being out of Atwin superstition that the local medic denies ever existed. The town is immediately suspicious of the newcomer when she forms an unlikely bond with the town pariah, a girl long suspected of murder, and their suspicions only grow when a local man is savagely attacked by another Atwin legend – a vampyre.

Struggling with a language and culture not her own, Daphne slowly reveals the secrets of her dark past to three young women with their own conflicted agendas, all the while trying to prove her worth to the skeptical town of Halfawaise.

Look for a review and my interview with K. Starling two weeks from now, Saturday, Oct 4th!

You can also find K. Starling’s book on amazon.com, HERE.

I am very excited about this! 🙂 Hope everyone is having a great Saturday!

Finished Short Story “Endtown” Check it out!

Alas, sickness has taken me these last couple of weeks, so I have been unable to post. On the plus side, I did manage to finish that story, “Endtown” and while it’s no great masterpiece, I am still pleased with the results.

My experiment in posting a continuing story on here taught me some things too.

1). I can finish a story. It doesn’t matter how it goes, I am capable of creating something with a beginning, middle and end. There is no more room for self doubt here.

2.) Even the best stories aren’t perfect from the get go. What IS important is the ideas and characters that you manage to create. I keep forgetting that. There’s always room for something to get better, to grow as you do.

3.) And lastly, PLOT. One of my weaknesses. I have a tendency to create characters, a setting and then freeze when there comes a time to put them somewhere. Plot, to me, is something that grows as the characters do. Give them free range to take you where they will, however, remember that you are the master of this story, and you decide what makes a good story. And that includes weeding out the scenes that don’t really go anywhere.

I was very proud of the characters and situation that I created here. While “Endtown” is a short story on its own, I definitely see it as a jumping off point for something greater, a novel with the characters I created here, when I have time to start another large project. All in good time. And, without further ado…here it is.


A quick refresher:

endtown The story focuses on Genevieve, a teenager who died way too early. Both her and the friends she makes there are in Limbo, or “the in-between,” in neither Heaven or Hell. They are the Watchers; the eyes that no one sees on earth, silently helping the Angels fight a war between the demons.


THE train rattled, a rata-tat-tat, a rata-tat-tat, ending with a drawn out horn as it whooshed past. The girl standing under the street light turned towards the sound. She could see the train’s cars flying past in between the distant buildings, a blur of colors, grey and blue and a burnt red all blending together. One minute there and the next gone. She tossed a ball up and down in her hands, up towards the street light, which turned everything in the darkness a pale sort of yellow.

She leaned down and squinted at some writing that someone had chalked onto the sidewalk: a hand with the middle finger sticking up all done up in orange and pink. Underneath the drawing someone had written in white chalk in capital letters: UP YOURS.

“Ridiculous,” she said as she paced back and forth. “So angry,” she muttered. “So…undisciplined.”

“You of all people should know,” said a hissing voice next to her elbow, with a faint laugh.

The girl jumped. “God! You scared the shit out of me!”

She looked down at a green and white striped snake who was stretched out on a blue garbage can. “Of all the forms you could choose, and you come to me like that.”

“Oh, forgive me your great worshipfulness,” hissed the snake. “Next time I’ll come as a chipmunk…or a kumquat.”

“A kumquat? What the hell is that? Anyway, it feels like I’m talking to the garbage can. I’m sure it looks like it, too.”

“Hey, if cans could talk,” said the snake, with a slither of his tongue and a wink. “I wonder what they would say?”

She looked across the street at a rundown convenience store. It was a white square building, with a faded coco cola sign out front. “Probably something like it stinks in here.”  She noticed that the neon sign was supposed to say Jerry’s, but an R was missing. “Have you heard from the master tonight?”

“Not a thing. I thought that is why you called this meeting?”

“My job was to watch this small town. Watch the train, watch the exports, watch the people, and yet…nothing. I haven’t heard from anybody in weeks.”

“Have a little faith Gen,” said the snake. “That’s what we are here for.”

She folded her arms across her chest, as the wind rustled a chunk of brown hair by her face. Freckled, blue-eyed and dressed in a red t-shirt and shorts, she felt trapped by her boyish figure, by the fact that she never could grow up, no matter how much she wanted to. She scratched at the sweat that had gathered at the back of her neck.

“It must be on the train,” she said as she swatted at a fly that flew in front of her face. She watched with wide eyes as it buzzed in front of the snake who swallowed it down with a big gulp.

“You’re disgusting,” she said as she turned away. “I can’t believe I spend time with you.”

“You love me,” said the snake. “I just know it. Anyway, tell me about this town. Any diamonds in the rough?”

“Some. There was a baker who gave me an extra doughnut in my box yesterday, but he thought it was for my mother.”

The snake gave her a side-long glance. “How are the live-in parents doing?”

“Fine.”

He wasn’t stupid, he knew what she wasn’t saying.

Genevieve scratched at an itch on her nose. She wriggled her shoulders. The itch was spreading. It felt like the time she had gotten poison ivy when she was a kid at summer camp.

“Can we go get a coffee or something?” she said as she scratched at the freckles on her arms. “I can’t stand under this street light anymore. I feel like a hooker.”

The snake snorted. “You’re breaking out in hives again, aren’t you?”

“I am not.”

“Stop worrying.” He flicked his tail toward her and managed to poke her in the side. She glared at him.

“Stop that,” she said.

“I don’t think snakes drink coffee.”

“Change then,” she said and she was already walking down the street. She heard a grunt, and then there was the sound of footsteps behind her.

She looked down at her friend’s blue tennis shoes, jeans and then up to his blonde-silver hair. His brown eyes twinkled with mischief. “So, where are we going?”

The only thing open was a 24-hour diner that promised the best fried chicken this town has to offer! “That’s promising,” muttered the girl as they walked inside. “And there’s a KFC next door.”

“They are hardly the best,” said their hostess, as she grabbed their menus. She had long, silky brown hair and smooth skin. “Will you guys be having dinner? We have a separate dinner, dessert and breakfast menu. “

The man standing next to Genevieve scratched at his head. “Haven’t decided yet. Why don’t you give us all three.”

Over pancakes, sausage, and bacon they talked about the master’s plan.

“So, you want to board a train?” said Genevieve as she forked a bite of pancake in her mouth. She chewed slowly and then swallowed. “After we were told strictly by the master to leave it alone? It’s clear dark territory.”

“Well, what he doesn’t know won’t hurt him,” said her friend, mentor, and sometimes brother.

“He’s all-seeing, he’ll find out, Gaven.”

Gaven shrugged and started eating some bacon. “You know what I like about earth-food?”

“What’s that?” she said as she stared at the ice in the bottom of her empty glass.

“The grease.” He took another bite of bacon and crunched it loudly.

“You’re disgusting,” she said, but she couldn’t completely hide her smile. He kept her sane this friend, who looked like an older brother. Gaven was tan all over, with blue eyes and brown hair. He looked like the type of guys that girls her age would probably giggle over. But she wasn’t a little girl.

She watched him as he set down his fork. “You didn’t tell me about the parents?”

“They think I’m twelve,” she said with a grimace. “They treat me like I’m twelve.”

He sighed. “If you’d just repent…”

“I’ve said my sorrys, what do you want from me?”

“This punishment won’t last forever, Gen.”

She stirred scrambled eggs around her plate. “That’s not what Harry said.”

“Harry is a wicked angel, Gen, you know that.” He gulped at his orange juice. “God, that’s good.”

“He said something about the master telling him it was true. How I was stuck like this. Forever.”

“Nothing is permanent in this world, you know that. It’s life and death and high calories.”

She stuck her tongue out at him.

“There,” he said as he saluted his empty juice glass at her. “Now you’re starting to act your age.”

An hour later, they shivered in the dark next to the train tracks. The place was lit by street lights, and the usually brown-dirt looked a strange purple in the darkness. “What are we doing here?” she hissed, as she hugged herself against the early morning chill. “We are going to get ourselves killed.”

“You can’t get killed if you are already dead, and besides, we are invincible.” Gaven bounced up and down on his feet. He glanced at his watch. “It’s passed 3am, something’s wrong.”

Genevieve gazed down the tracks, it ran through trees and behind buildings, but the only thing she saw were the hills on the other side of town. She looked across the tracks at the run down factory, stretched out in front of it was mounds of dirt, bulldozers and holes in the ground. Whatever they were building, it looked a mess.

A train horn sounded in the darkness, it was faint and growing closer.

“So we are going to jump onto it as it comes by?”

“That’s the plan,” said Gaven.

Genevieve didn’t like this plan. She didn’t like anything about the dark just then, the way morning seemed so far away, the way the smell of the trees and dirt smelled sweet just then, and heavy. “Something’s here,” she hissed and turned around. But beyond the light that lit up the construction site and part of the tracks, she saw nothing. She heard the scuff of someone kicking a stone in the darkness, the sound of a muttered curse. A man’s voice.

“Who’s there?” she called out.

They saw the glow, first. Of eyes that snapped on, like someone had turned on a light switch. Glowing faint at first, and then closer, she gasped as two orange and fiery red eyes appeared. She thought she should be scared, but for some reason, Gen thought of campfires and felt like lying down and going to sleep.

“Knock it off, Gill,” said Gaven, “We know it’s you.”

“Oh, the master’s going to kill you,” said a deep voice, gleefully.

“Gillian!” cried Genevieve. She heard laughter and grunts as Gaven punched him in the gut. The glowing eyes disappeared. Not all of them knew how to use glamour.

The train appeared on the track, rushing closer, growing bigger. Just as Genevieve was about to open her mouth to let Gaven know, there was a rush of heat, and white light and the front of the train exploded in the darkness.

 

They were trying to rustle through the broken pieces in the darkness, lit only faintly by the burning embers of the wreck. Everything smelled of soot and burnt meat.

“There weren’t humans on this train was there?” she thought with horror.

“No,” said Gillian as he flipped over a burnt piece of wood. “The trains are used for cargo.”

In the darkness, Gen could see the faint outline of his dark cloak. He was the same age as Gavin, but where Gavin was muscular and tan, Gillian was pale, black haired and gaunt. The three G’s the others sometimes called them, and other things…but Genevieve was just happy to have friends. Being dead could be a lonely thing.

Gaven came to stand by her then and she looked up at his shiny eyes. He grabbed her elbow suddenly, as a figure stepped out from the darkness in front of the simmering embers of the train wreck. She had momentarily forgot about the rest of the train, but its tail end still waiting in the darkness, white and silent, expecting.

“Oh, in-between-ers,” a voice hissed as it stepped closer. “This night just gets better and better.”

“Don’t come any closer,” said Gaven. “We are not here to fight you.”

“What are you here for then, if not to sabotage our plans?” said the voice, dark and raspy.

Gilian came up to stand on the other side of Genevieve. “We are here for answers,” he said. “There is no place for you here, demon.”

The figure laughed and Genevieve felt a chill in her heart. She could never be this evil. She felt a sudden feeling of hopelessness. Maybe she really was just a little girl after all. “I can feel your hopelessness, your distrust,” said the figure. He lowered the dark hood that he wore. Besides a chill, he stank of fire and fish. His face was all white, his eyes were completely black. He had no hair, and a thin black slash for a mouth. “Tell me, how goes your revolution?”

“Our business is none of yours,” said Genevieve as she held Gaven’s arm. “What are you doing here?”

The figure tilted his head towards the cold wind that blew through the trees and stirred the ash at his feet. A glowing piece of wood glowed orange and then caught on fire. He studied his claw-like fingernails. “I don’t waste my time talking to children. I wonder…does your master know your here?”

Genevieve remembered the first time she met the master. The thing they never tell you when you are saying your goodbyes: how quiet death is. For a long time she felt like she existed, except there are no formal introductions to the places you wake up in. In Sunday school she learned it this way: You go to Heaven if you are good; Hell is for the sinners and the unclean. But what she didn’t know, was that there were places that existed for the In-Between. Limbo wasn’t just for those who slept and never woke up.

Limbo was the place you went if you weren’t quite good enough. Limbo was for the punished who’d repented. It was for the few stranglers of the Great Fall, back when Lucifer had tried to make a claim to earth and all its inhabitants. A war they were still fighting, actually. Some from the Great Fall were trying to make right what they had done. Some were sent there because they weren’t quite done with where they had been. Some thought that it was a place to be alive again, but Genevieve wasn’t so sure. Neither Angel or Demon, the “In-between-ers” were neither living or dead. They possessed the skills and strengths of an Angel, but they weren’t all-seeing like some, and they had the limitations of a human body.

Genevieve felt like a broken record sometimes, living a life that she had a few times before. Moments never change, regrets still exist and living life like a human constantly reminded her how fragile and stupid they were sometimes. She was sick of making the same mistakes over and over again.

But the man they called Master gave them a purpose. They were the insiders, helping to fight a war that the Angels struggled with. They could blend in, they could be the eyes in every corner.

She vaguely remember Heaven, just a warm place and fighting for life. She remembers struggling to breathe, twisting her arms around in the murky river, trying to kick at the thick, car window. Between bursts of unconsciousness, she felt warmth surround her and then there was nothing. She woke up in a white room. There was no smell, no breeze, nothing. Just a ever present fog and the feeling that she had forgotten something, left something behind.

She wore a hospital gown and sat up on the bed that you see in a doctor’s office. A man approached. He wore dark rimmed glasses and had a Clark Kent type of feel, and a presence about him, a strength. His eyes were not natural either, they were a wide blue almost purple, and his ears were pointed at the tip. He wore a white lab coat. When he was closer, Genevieve could see the tops of feathered wings poking over his shoulders.

“You’re awake,” he said. “Good.”

“You’re an Angel,” she said, and was surprised to hear her own voice. It had felt like a long time.

He sat down in a desk chair that seemed to have appeared out of nowhere. “Sort of.” He eyed her over a manila folder that had also appeared in his hand. “First time driver, huh?”

Genevieve blinked at him. “I’d rather not talk about it.”

He rolled back in his chair as he looked at her. “Let me put it this way for you. Heaven is not quite ready for you, you’re too good for Hell, and you were too young to die. At sixteen you are supposed to have the whole world in front of you. What if I said you could make a difference for others instead?”

That was how it started.

The demon was still looking at them. “He doesn’t know, does he?” He grinned, and Genevieve shuddered. His teeth were filed down to points, for gnawing on flesh.

“What are you going to do?” said Genevieve.

He looked the three of them over. “Oh, wouldn’t you like to know.”

 

Genevieve’s skin itched; it felt like a hundred stinging ants were crawling across her stomach. She was burning. Her forehead was sweating. “He’s going to burn us from the inside out!” she gasped. Gaven and Gillian both groaned suddenly and dropped to their knees.

“Make him stop!” cried Gillian as he fell towards the ground, gasping for breath.

“Do what?” cried Genevieve as she struggled to stay upright.

“There’s nothing to do,” gasped Gaven. “We’re already dead.”

“That you are,” said a voice that was familiar, and scary at the same time.

And there he stood next to the ugly bald-headed demon, looking resplendent in his white suit, and colored sunglasses. His face was slightly rough with a day’s worth of scruff, but other than that, the master looked smooth and handsome and powerful.

“Why are you here, Lyle? I hear your master is half-way around the world right now.”

And then the pain fell away. Genevieve fell onto all fours next to the boys.

The demon named Lyle turned toward the master slowly. He scrunched up his already ugly face into a scowl. “Samyaza.”

“Please,” said the Master. “Samuel is fine.”

“Your name doesn’t matter to me,” hissed Lyle. “Who are you to question where I am?”

“It matters when you hurt,” (he said as he glanced at the three teenagers,) “Those that are close to me.”

Lyle spat on the ground, and the dirt hissed and sizzled where his spit fell. “In-betweeners.”

“We prefer the term, “Watchers,” said Samuel.

“You think you scare me? You are no more welcome in heaven than I.”

“We have been pardoned,” he said and the ground seemed to swell under his feet. He was growing, no, he was rising. Genevieve saw the wings sprouting out from his back. He seemed to glow with a faint light. “Would you like to see?”

“Save your holiness,” gnashed Lyle between pointy teeth. He glanced at the smoldering wreck of the train. “My work is done here anyway.” He turned into the darkness and disappeared.

“Oh man,” said Gill as he slapped Gaven on the back. “That was a close one!” But he quieted as their Master, Samuel, turned towards them.

“Stay out of trouble, I said. Watch the town, I said. See what sort of exports are coming in. Are you three incapable of following instructions? Or are you just stupid!”

Genevieve flinched as she scrambled to her feet. His wings were still extended and although she couldn’t see his eyes beneath his green-blue sunglasses, she didn’t need to. She’d seen his eyes flash a silver and gold in a rage before.

“It was my fault.” She stepped forward as the two boys bowed their heads. “I told Gaven I thought there was something on the train. We came to investigate. Gill found us later.”

“I don’t care what happened,” said Samuel. “We can’t let them get the best of us, again.” He turned his head and his sunglasses flashed a teal color. “Do you even know what happened with the train? What they blew up?”

“We were working on that when you showed up,” mumbled Gaven.

“Shut up, you,” said Samuel, and then he jerked his head over to the wreck behind him and moved a smoldering piece of wood out of his path and set it down gently. “Well, let’s get this sorted out.”

Genevieve never seemed to know which side their Master was on. And it bothered her more than she cared to admit. Hot and cold, he ran. Like two different types of weather. It was exhausting.

Yes, the Watchers, or In-betweeners were pardoned, but if being forced out of Heaven to live on Earth was punishment, it certainly felt like it. They were alone. One of a kind, and yet never resting. Sometimes Genevieve felt like she ran a marathon that never ended, and she was always dying of thirst.

She watched Samuel turn over a burning log and pick up a smoldering box. She or the two boys would have hissed and been burned by the heat, but Samuel was a lot older than them. And he had his wings. She wondered if they would ever get a chance to earn wings.

“What is it?” she asked him.

Samuel cursed and threw the smoldering box into to dirt. “Food,” he hissed.

“Those fucking bastards,” said Gaven.

Samuel’s sunglasses flashed as he turned towards him. “Watch it.”

“So?” said Gillian. “What will that do? There’s plenty of food, here.”

The Master jerked his head toward her. “Tell them.”

“Well…not really,” said Genevieve.

“What do you mean?” said Gaven. “What did we just eat a few hours ago?” he laughed. “Dirt?”

“No, and the new districts are fine,” (she glanced around) “Here in old town is different.”

“What do you mean by that?” said Gaven.

“There’s a lot of poverty here. People depend on the free shipments the train brings in. Mostly stuff from the government. Goes into food pantries and the like.”

“The free shipments cut down on stealing,” said the Master. “The government finally found out that people were starving and stealing for food and they did something about it.”

“So without the food to keep people off the streets?” said Gaven, but he didn’t expect an answer.

“Well, shit,” said Gillian. “Mama ain’t gonna like this.”

“Shut up,” said Gaven as he smacked him in the head. “There will be riots over this stuff, idiot. We got our work cut out for us.”

“My foster parents are even depending on it,” said Genevieve.

“We’ll see that they are taken care of,” said Samuel.

“What about me?” said Genevieve and then she instantly regretted it as he turned towards her.

“What about you?”

She gestured to herself. “When will I be taken care of? My punishment? When will that be done?”

“When you’ve realized the seriousness of your actions.”

When I’ve realized the seriousness of my actions?” She was seeing her parents gray heads in the cemetery, her little sister’s bowed head. She took a deep breath. “I shouldn’t be punished for mourning for what I had. For missing those I loved.”

“No one is allowed to make contact,” said Samuel. “And you tried. Your little sister saw you.”

Genevieve bowed her head, her hands clasped in front of her. She was aware of the other boys growing quiet. “Forgive me, Master. I will not let you down. I will not forsake the mission. I am your servant, and a servant, always,” she breathed, although her heart felt broken. “I will protect, I will watch, and I will listen. I will be the eyes that are not seen, the ears that are not forgotten. I will be the sight for others who have none.”

The wind blew between the trees and one of the boys cleared their throat. She glanced up into the Master’s face and looked him in the eyes. Something that she had never done before. “Please,” she added. “Give me one more chance.”

And then something happened that she did not expect. Their Master sighed deeply and he pushed his green-blue shades on the top of his head. His gray eyes looked old and tired.

“So may it be.” He waved his hand and she felt a ripple of heat, and a tickling in her skin. She looked down at her long legs and red painted toes.

She sighed and looked up at Gaven and Gillian and smiled.

She was sixteen again and happy, and ready to save the world.