An English Major’s Struggle To Find a Job

January 16, 2015 / Ajmorse / 2 Comments

I recently took a new job here, (go figure, right?)…something that has me typing information at a desk, not customer service, not worrying about sales pitch – did I get it right? Just plain old monotonous information, and type-type typing away.

And while this job was described to me as incredibly boring, I can’t but help be somewhat relieved. Left to my own thoughts, my own devices, I am more productive, less stressed and overall satisfied. Plus, I don’t have to talk to anyone if I don’t want to. Is it sad how much this is a relief to me?

Ever since college I have been struggling finding my way or niche in this world…I watch friends of mine, graduates from the same college get jobs at corporations, in the classroom, or go on to pursue higher education at graduate school.

I am proud of them and their accomplishments, but where does that leave me? Taking a job in retail, in customer service, in collections…finding places that pay the big bucks with little need to think or grow? I don’t live in an area that offers an overwhelming amount of options, either. I feel like I have ruined my job experience…even the manager that recently interviewed me said he was worried about hiring me…”Your job history seems a little…scattered,” he said.

“Oh, I know,” I said, and then shrugged. What could I say?

“I missed the boat when it came to moving to Florida?”

“I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up?”

Life is difficult and not always forgiving when it comes to pursuing your dreams and passions. I got an English degree, so everyone assumed that I wanted to be a teacher. I worked in customer service, so everyone assumed that I’m great on the phone, and love to help others. (I am great on the phone by the way. Former debt collector here, watch out!)

But what to do…what to do, when all of the world seems to be telling me that I am a failure? I took the jobs…because I needed the money. Not everyone has a savings or rich relatives. (Oh, but wouldn’t that be nice!)Since I was a young teen, the one thing that I consider myself great at is writing. This led to the thought: “I’ll be a writer.” Yet, with the pressure on to pay the bills…is such a desire a pipe dream? Or should I really just bite the bullet and go back to college…even though I don’t know what I want to study?

The questions are endless and the emotions boarding on that feeling of overwhelming sadness. I think the real answer to these questions are:

Do what makes you happy and don’t worry what everyone else thinks.

My head is grasping for the words of advice I’ve heard many times: “Don’t give up, you’ll get there.”

“Believe in yourself.”

“Never stop writing.”

“Don’t lose faith in yourself.”

Yet, they seem to be falling on deaf ears this afternoon, or falling in the cracks of heater and getting lodged there, (God knows little heat is getting out!).

The sun is peaking out of the clouds now, and the snow has finally stopped. For some reason Dory’s voice from Finding Nemo has snuck its way into my head:

“Just keep swimming…just keep swimming…What do we do? We swim!”

Hmm…I am a terrible swimmer, but I can keep going, no matter how difficult it is…

The truth of the matter is, I am not unhappy here, sitting at my desk in the sunshine, which is creeping through to land on the floor and the cheery, yellow walls of my office.

I can keep on swimming, and I can begin to stop listening to what others think…because only my opinion matters in this instance. Being a writer is my pipe dream, and that’s all that matters.

I can keep on swimming no matter the cost.

Poetry: I can write haiku, can you?

January 16, 2015January 16, 2015 / Ajmorse / 2 Comments

It’s snowing outside, tiny flakes coming down from the sky in all directions, swirling chaotically around cars and the pavement outside my window.

View from my office window.

Naturally this makes me want to write, of course. I don’t know what it is…maybe because it’s warm in our apartment, I woke up refreshed (finally) after a good nights sleep and I have the day off from work.

Maybe there’s something in the way that snowy sleepy days naturally put me in a thoughtful mood, and thoughtful moods generally lead to writing…if I were a painter, I’d paint the heck out of a glorious snowy day, but alas, the best brush I have, is the brush of words on blank, blank paper.

And of course, the last sentence I just wrote had me thinking about haiku poems. It’s been ages since I’ve written one…not since college three years ago. I found a refresher at this website, here.

(From the website:) The haiku is a Japanese verse in three lines. Line one has 5 syllables, line 2 has 7 syllables and line three has 5 syllables. Haiku is a mood poem and it doesn’t use any metaphors or similes.

View of the moon and snowy trees at my Grandma’s house, the evening of Thanksgiving.

I don’t usually think of myself as a poet. My advance poetry teacher in college said to me once, “You are definitely a fiction writer.” And that seemed to cement the idea in my brain. He didn’t mean to say that I was inept at poetry, just that eventually all writers make a choice, and I am a lover of stories and so naturally fiction was my style of choice.

But lately, I am constantly reminded by poetry why writing descriptive, lyrical words are so important. Why some fiction is just poetry in an extended form. In a single poem, an image is created in just a few words. I think poetry is a great way to remind fiction writers how important it is to show, not tell what is happening in the story, but to focus on the concise, and descriptive words.

Here’s some haiku of my own. Some silly, some serious, some not really haiku poems at all, but all poetry:

The bright yellow sun shines

through icicles hanging

on the windowsill

icicles remind

us to mind the cold weather

bundle up you beasts

dogs don’t like the snow

wagging their tails between gusts

shivering snow and wind

the snow swirls around the pavement

children walk by with parents

hands howling in their gloves

So much depends upon a red wheelbarrow…

(Just kidding! haha…can’t get this poem out of my head for some reason! For those that don’t know this is the start of a poem, “The Red Wheelbarrow,” by William Carlos Williams. I remember there were those that either loved it or hated it in my poetry class. There was a great debate that followed about it.)

And lastly, another haiku of my own:

The dead of winter

snow falls down on black pavement

eat lunch, eat sunlight

This has been a lot of fun for me this afternoon. Feel free to comment with your own, if you like!

Happy Writing!

What Makes Life Worth Living?

January 6, 2015 / Ajmorse / Leave a comment

These last couple of day have been stressful for us. My car is in the shop, it is 7 degrees outside, and until I get paid next week, I have about $2.

Life is not exactly easy when you live paycheck to paycheck, and although I am trying to look on the positive side, sometimes I do start to hyperventilate. The man in my life, although he pretends to be all manly and tough most of the time, said it this way: “We have each other, babe.”

And as corny as that sounds, I had a thought about it. It may seem like the end of the world when you can’t pay your bills, but it’s really not. Sure, you get behind, it happens. But life is in the people you love, in the people who love you and in the times you share together.

Love doesn’t pay the bills, but it sure does remind you what makes life worth living. And that’s all I need for the time being.

Oh, and brownies:

I made these tonight with this recipe here, (with my own tweaks of course) and I think these will go well with a cup of hot coco, yes? 🙂

I counted on my fingers before bed…I have a at least fifteen friends and family that love me. I am not without love in my life. I am poor, but I am not worthless.

These thoughts of failure, life stresses and worthlessness made me think of what Clarence writes in George’s book in the end of It’s a Wonderful Life:

“Remember, George: no man is a failure who has friends.”

No…they are most definitely not. I hope everyone is keeping warm, and positive this cold, Tuesday night.

Happy Writing everyone!

It Really IS a Wonderful Life…

December 26, 2014December 28, 2014 / Ajmorse / Leave a comment

These last couple days have been a blast. Christmas isn’t apparently just one day in our house, we have been celebrating more of a Christmas week. I think it is definitely time to start eating healthier again, though, and to start exercising. And on that note, while taking a walk on Christmas day near my Grandma’s house, we came upon an old cemetery, and this headstone:

Not only is it interesting that this person from middle-of no-where-upstate, New York, fought and died for his country, someone somewhere out there still appreciates him. He was a veteran and that still matters, even if it happened over 50 years ago.

The flowers in front of his headstone were blown over and covered with leaves, but we dusted them off, and nestled them in front of his grave. The wind was blowing and the rain started splattering on our faces, and I tried to identify the significance this moment could possibly have.

Was it sad to be in a graveyard on Christmas afternoon? Was the rain and gloominess really just a way to emphasize it? Every little detail became so important suddenly: the curiosity on my boyfriend’s face as he yells across the headstones: “Look at this one, babe!”

The way the land curves and rolls; the mounds of grass, the moss that grows in splotches; and the path that cuts through the cemetery between tall, long-limbed trees. If you stood at one end of the path and looked down it, you get the impression that it goes on forever; that life continues somewhere on the “other side” where the road ends.

And meanwhile, the sky is so gray the clouds seem grumpy, like steel-gray eyebrows furrowed in disappointment, that it seems nearly impossible to find the light in the darkness, to stand tall and go about your day.

Except, I wasn’t sad or disappointed, I just felt…blessed. I was thankful to be where I am, in the country I am, with the people who I love and that belong to me. I felt proud for this soldier who had represented my country, and honored that I was the one who righted his flowers, to tell him, (even if it was just in a small way), that he did matter and still does to those who understand freedom and cherish it like I do.

I felt irony because of the name on the headstone, which happens to be the veteran’s father: George Bailey.

George Bailey, the name of the character in It’s a Wonderful Life, the man who didn’t know what wealth truly was until it was taken away from him. That our worth isn’t measured in the dollars in our pockets, but in the lives we touch and the people who love us most.

And isn’t that at the heart of Christmas?

I had a fantastic holiday, and I hope everyone else did, too. Did you do anything special this year? Vacation in the tropics? I’d love to hear about it.

Happy Writing everyone!

The Hunger Games, Mockingjay Part 1 Review: Jennifer Lawrence IS the Mockingjay

November 25, 2014 / Ajmorse / Leave a comment

If you haven’t read the books, or haven’t seen the latest Hunger Games movie, Mockingjay Part 1, beware there are spoilers ahead.

The last time we saw Katniss Everdeen, was in Catching Fire after she had destroyed the arena and was picked up by the rebellion. In Mockingjay Part one, Katniss is left to pick up the broken pieces of her sanity, and to come to terms with the things she didn’t know existed before: namely, the rebellion and district 13.

In the excitement to remove her from the crumbling wreckage of the quarter quell, Peeta was captured by the capitol. District 12 was destroyed, and the remaining survivors find sanctuary in District 13. Although destroyed on the surface many years ago, district 13 managed to survive underground with the leadership of President Coin, who runs their district with strict military precision.

This is something that’s difficult for Katniss, because she is sick of being told what to do, and where to go, especially when all she wants to do is escape the pain of the people she has lost. She agrees to be the Mockingjay, a symbol of the rebellion, only if Peeta and the other victors that were captured are rescued from the Capitol. The Mockingjay will be promoted in a series of promos to help encourage the districts to join the cause and fight against the Capitol.

What is most noticeable about this movie: the intensity. Everything has been brought up about ten notches. The first two films are mostly told from Katniss’ perspective, which is true to the novel, but for the fist time, we get a more elaborate view of the events that are happening outside of Katniss’ point of view. We see exchanges between President Coin, (Julianne Moore) and game maker, Plutarch Heavensbee (Phillip Seymore Hoffman), and also scenes between Plutarch and Effie Trinket (Elizabeth Banks). There are also, numerous shots of the rebellion that happen in the other districts as well.

Emotions are high; fear, and anger and heartache simmer just below the surface and it’s not difficult to catch the emotion behind the revolution, the need to fight for the right to live. This change in perspective makes sense, as Katniss’ state of mind is not always completely together, and it is clear that there is something larger at stake here.

Katniss is often joined by her old friend Gale, (Liam Hemsworth) and new friend Finnick Odair (Sam Claflin), but she obtains new friends in her entourage; the most surprising (and bad-ass looking) is one member of her camera crew, Cressida (Natalie Dormer) who some might know as Margaery, on Game of Thrones.

If the great cast might not draw you in, how about the soundtrack? Lorde recorded four songs for the film and even Jennifer Lawrence has her own track. Although she claims she is a terrible singer, the song she sings in the film, “The Hanging Tree,” is hauntingly beautiful and almost eerie in the way it lingers in your mind afterwards. There is no other actor alive (I believe) that would be able to play the role of Katniss so well.

“Fire IS catching.”

Here’s a look at J-Law’s awesome singing:

Short Story Page Update: “Endtown”

November 15, 2014November 15, 2014 / Ajmorse / Leave a comment

Today is a lazy day. I meant to run errands, but it’s dismally cold out there, and there is hot coco in the cabinet and cold pizza in a fridge, and what with that waiting for me, what more can a girl want? 😉

How about some writing and a short story update? I have added my story “Endtown” to my short story’s page, which you can view up there ^ at the top of this website or here.

Endtown

The short story focuses on Genevieve, a teenager who died way too early. Both her and the friends she makes there are in Limbo, or “the in-between,” in neither Heaven or Hell. They are the Watchers; the eyes that no one sees on earth, silently helping the Angels fight a war between the demons.

The thing they never tell you when you are saying your goodbyes: how quiet death is. For a long time she felt like she existed, except there are no formal introductions to the places you wake up in. In Sunday school she learned it this way: You go to Heaven if you are good; Hell is for the sinners and the unclean. But what she didn’t know, was that there were places that existed for the In-Between. Limbo wasn’t just for those who slept and never woke up.

It was the story I did as a continuation story on here. I was very proud with the characters and story that came out of it. I can certainly see the potential for more stories to come from this. 🙂

Happy Writing!

Oh, and for those doing NaNoWriMo, are you doing so much better than me? Is someone actually getting some writing done? (siigh). Best of luck to us all!

The Faces that We Wear

October 26, 2014 / Ajmorse / Leave a comment

It’s easy to seem like an angel on social media – especially when all that you post is positive things: your boyfriend giving you flowers, going out to dinner, making food, shout-outs to friends you haven’t seen in a while.

Me at Clear water beach, Fl. (I love these sunshiny pictures of myself).

What is important is the face that you wear when no one else is around. And for me that includes: Sunday morning hair all lop-sided to one side, standing in front of the refrigerator in a nightie, gnawing on cold chicken wings and pizza.

(Oh, and I forgot to add the little happy dance I do when I eat something that is yummy.)

The point? We all present ourselves in a different way depending on where we are…and if you are the rare individual who is able to treat everyone with the same type of sauce, then good for you. You are rare and few in between.

Most of us don’t have that luxury. We wear our professional faces to work, our worried ones find comfort from Mom, the harassed need-a-glass-of-wine look we share with our girlfriends (or maybe that’s just me), and our significant others see everything in between, bare skin and all.

And maybe that’s the point I’m trying to make. We may wear different faces to different people but its the face that you wear when you are around your significant other and yourself that is the most important of all.

He or she is the one who should know your faults, should know what makes you cry, should know that you’re not always an angel, despite how hard you try to be. 😉

Its our faults that make us who we are. I know I’m not perfect. I’m stubborn. I’m whiny. I suck at housework. I’m grumpy in the early morning, I take three-hour naps and I’ll eat food until it makes me sick; drink wine on a week night.

Yet, despite my flaws, I have managed to find someone who loves me in spite of all those things. (And I didn’t even mentioned the winter blues that I get.) He puts up with me and I with him, and isn’t that true definition of belonging?

To love someone’s insides and outsides, despite the many different faces that we wear. Love is a many splendid thing. And sure, love is blind.

But maybe that’s the point: No one is perfect. And we should never pretend to be.

Pancake Saturday!

October 25, 2014 / Ajmorse / Leave a comment

I think I have a secret desire in life to make every pancake known to man…case in point: today’s breakfast!

Chocolate chip and apple pancakes. (I was going to make orange pancakes, but I didn’t have any orange juice. They sound fantastic though!)

I like making them small…they look so cute on the plate.

And they are wonderful when paired with any side…Like breakfast sausage, of course.

Today is a lazy Saturday, and I thought I’d take a moment and enjoy it. I don’t get them very often, but when I do, they are glorious. 🙂

I like the sleepy feel of a Saturday morning, when you can shut off your alarm and sleep in. When the sunshine creeps its way into the window, promising freedom…either relaxation in the unexpected warmth, or adventures in the bright sunshine, in the air and the blue sky, of a moment where you can look up and bask in the empty spaces.

A lot happens on a Saturday, or not at all. It’s your choice to do what you will. Maybe shopping, maybe baking…maybe a day trip to the mountains or ocean (if there is one close by). Maybe its the day where you buy antiques…you are forever looking for that pepper shaker that matches the salt shaker that your grandma has.

Maybe its the only day you get to spend time with your kids; so you take them to the park, buy them fast food and send them back to Mom with stinky stains on their shirts and smiles on their faces.

Maybe its a project day: time to get that painting done on the house that you haven’t had time for. Change the oil in your car.

If you are an artist, maybe its the day you paint, or a writer: the day you work on crafting that story that needs a lot of work. Maybe you write a letter to a friend you haven’t seen in a while.

Or maybe, you have to work. And another day is your “Saturday.”

But whatever the case, Saturday is like a gift…something that brings us joy the moment the day unwraps it for us.

I like to spend mine with good food, company and my projects. I have some laundry to get done, to finish painting some picture frames and a story that needs a plot. Today is already a busy day, and I don’t intend to waste it.

How do you like to spend your Saturday, or days off? 🙂

What’s For Dinner Tonight: Beer bread, and Cheddar Corn Chowder!

October 15, 2014October 15, 2014 / Ajmorse / Leave a comment

Someone mentioned to me on here that he likes a good food post now and then, and since I’m a foodie myself, I say: Bring it on!

What’s for dinner tonight?

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That’s bacon for a garnish on top! YUM!

Only beer bread with a fantastic Cheddar corn chowder, which is chocked full of potatoes, corn, ham and bacon. You make this fantastic cheese sauce for it and it all comes together in this wonderful melody of stick-to-your-ribs goodness. Found the recipe, here.

I was also surprised with how easy the beer bread came together, too. Just flour, sugar, salt, baking powder, and beer. Pour butter over the top and viola! Buttery crusty goodness. Like everything, I googled this recipe, and you can find it at food.com, here.

Doesn’t it just look fantastic? And why haven’t I made this stuff before??

Beer bread: a sweet, hearty bread that is buttery, with a crunchy crust that is fantastic for dipping into soups. I’m making this one again!

I’m discovering lately that I’m starting to love baking more and more. Call it old age, science or just the fact that its relaxing to mix ingredients and see it develop into a sweet and glorious concoction – I can see how people bake when they are stressed or upset about something. It is definitely a comfort after a long and stressful day.

It was our first time making corn chowder and beer bread and we were so proud with how it turned out! What do you guys like to make?

Got any comfort foods that you want to share? This corn chowder girl is all ears…get it? Get it? 😉

What a nice way to spend this fall rainy night!

Happy Writing (and eating) everyone!

Appreciating the Fall Colors: Today’s Nature Walk

October 10, 2014October 10, 2014 / Ajmorse / Leave a comment

There is a trail that runs behind the laundromat here in Binghamton, NY. They call it the rail trail and it is a paved trail on the old rail line that is great for walking, biking, and roller-blading.

While I was waiting for my laundry to dry today, I headed out and decided to get some walking in as the weather was gorgeous and the day mildly warm.

And little did I know…

There are some nature trails that branch off the main trail!

I’m a country girl by heart and grew up walking the trails next to my house. So this felt like a dream and a gift to me. There is nothing more magical than the woods…surrounded by trees, fresh air and the sound of leaves crunching underfoot.

I saw deer scampering away from me as I wandered on; a few bunnies, too, and everywhere there was the rustle of chipmunks, birds and squirrels scurrying away from the path. Even though this little sanctuary is wedged between two highways, and you can hear the distant sounds of trucks and cars rumbling along the road, it is amazing to me how life manages to flourish anyway in the small, forgotten places of the world.

And I stumbled upon this beauty:

A Great Egret, stopping to rest in the swamp here as it migrates South. They are usually pretty rare in this area. (I wish I could have gotten a better shot, but my crunchy steps on the leaves scared it away.)

I was amazed at the vastness of the landscape…such a small woods, but so many mysteries, so many great surprises.

I am a Summer girl through and through, but Fall is such an amazing time of the year for me. It feels like a season of great reflection, to remember to appreciate the beauty of the things around you before it goes away for a while.